Relationships and Dating

Kamasutra teaches emotional bonding

2011-12-14T21:44:00.002+07:00

Kamasutra teaches emotional bonding - The ancient manual to love-making is not restricted to only the physical aspect of your relationship. It also holds the key to a healthy emotional bond with your partner.

The notion that Kamasutra speaks solely of the physical aspect of sex is extremely skewed. The purpose of Kamasutra was not merely to educate masses about different sexual techniques, but promote a healthy relationship between the partners and constructively use sexual energy. Several Western (and even some Indian) authors, interpreters and commentators have paid attention only to the sexual / physicality aspect, leading to the scripture's misrepresentation. However, look deeper and the teachings of Kamasutra go far beyond sex

The purpose of Kamasutra was not merely to educate masses about different sexual techniques, but promote a healthy relationship between the partners and constructively use sexual energy. Several Western (and even some Indian) authors, interpreters and commentators have paid attention only to the sexual / physicality aspect, leading to the scripture's misrepresentation. However, look deeper and the teachings of Kamasutra go far beyond sex

Kamasutra, key to emotional bonding(Getty Images)

Participation

Many positions (Asanaas) depicted in the Kamasutra call for active and equal participation of the woman. Rather than sticking to the monotonous / boring missionary position where the woman is a rather passive receiver, the scripture encourages more pro-active positions. Only when there's an equal contribution from both ends will the session truly be fulfilling and fruitful. There's no posture that's meant exclusively for the man, or the woman.

The message: Be it sex or any other matter; ensure that you equally involve your partner. Participation is the key word. When you seek an active role from your partner, (in and out of bed) he/she feels wanted and the synergy between the two leads to greater fulfilment. That's what samabhog (equal pleasure) is all about.

Body image Vs. the body

The varied techniques depicted in the scriptures make sex pleasurable for anyone irrespective of his/her body type and body shape. The person may be muscular, obese, or thin, body issues and pleasure are best not mixed, says Kamasutra.

The message: Work on your body image. You can still make the best of your body provided you stop having unrealistic expectations of how it should look. Acceptance is the word. Magazine covers may be flooded with images of perfect bodies, but don't let them sway you away from realism. Don't let negative body image play spoilsport in your life, sex

Touch matters

The Kamasutra lays a lot of importance on touch, and not only during intercourse. Going by the texts, touch is of varied forms, each designated to arouse a unique sensation from the partner depending on his/her liking. However, the role of touch starts from the foreplay stage itself (at times, the foreplay lasting for hours together) and continues till the very end.

The message: Do not undermine the power of small. That casual hug or the loving caress (initiated much before sex can say a lot more about your feelings than the act itself. The touch may not even lead to anything, but is a very potent method of conveying your emotions. It will do more good to your relationship than most other things.

Dress to impress

The scriptures' emphasis on shringaar cannot be undermined. Almost every character shown in the act in Kamasutra is embellished with elaborate ornaments. This includes men.

The message: While it does depict the culture and traditions of the time when these texts were written, the underlying idea is that of looking good and dressing up for your partner. Many couples after a few years of courting lose the urge to look good (for each other).

However, that's wrong. Just like you take the effort to dress up for a certain occasion, it is important to look at least presentable (if not great) for your partner. Do not undermine the importance of how you look. Get rid of the complacent attitude. It communicates that your partner is not important any more.

Go play

The scriptures pay a lot of importance on the fun element of sex. That is what converts a rather boring, mechanical session to something that a couple looks forward to. Try all the experimenting you want. If the fun element is missing, there's little that you can do.

The message: Learn to have fun with each other. Start by non-sexual activities and build a rapport. Play games, travel together, discuss movies, and find stimulating conversations. When fun becomes easy, no matter what the occasion, the joy will by default be communicated to other aspects of the relationship as well. ( indiatimes.com )

The Kamasutra also has advice on ways of making money and renewing friendship with a former lover

Why young men have the upper hand in bed, even when they're failing in life

2011-10-13T21:43:00.001+07:00

Sex Is Cheap - Why young men have the upper hand in bed, even when they're failing in life - We keep hearing that young men are failing to adapt to contemporary life. Their financial prospects are impaired—earnings for 25- to 34-year-old men have fallen by 20 percent since 1971. Their college enrollment numbers trail women's: Only 43 percent of American undergraduates today are men. Last year, women made up the majority of the work force for the first time. And yet there is one area in which men are very much in charge: premarital heterosexual relationships.

When attractive women will still bed you, life for young men, even those who are floundering, just isn't so bad. This isn't to say that all men direct the course of their relationships. Plenty don't. But what many young men wish for—access to sex without too many complications or commitments—carries the day. If women were more fully in charge of how their relationships transpired, we'd be seeing, on average, more impressive wooing efforts, longer relationships, fewer premarital sexual partners, shorter cohabitations, and more marrying going on. Instead, according to the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health (which collects data well into adulthood), none of these things is occurring. Not one.The terms of contemporary sexual relationships favor men and what they want in relationships, not just despite the fact that what they have to offer has diminished, but in part because of it. And it's all thanks to supply and demand.

To better understand what's going on, it's worth a crash course in "sexual economics," an approach best articulated by social psychologists Roy Baumeister and Kathleen Vohs. As Baumeister, Vohs, and others have repeatedly shown, on average, men want sex more than women do. Call it sexist, call it whatever you want—the evidence shows it's true. In one frequently cited study, attractive young researchers separately approached opposite-sex strangers on Florida State University's campus and proposed casual sex. Three-quarters of the men were game, but not one woman said yes. I know: Women love sex too. But research like this consistently demonstrates that men have a greater and far less discriminating appetite for it. As Baumeister and Vohs note, sex in consensual relationships therefore commences only when women decide it does.

And yet despite the fact that women are holding the sexual purse strings, they aren't asking for much in return these days—the market "price" of sex is currently very low. There are several likely reasons for this. One is the spread of pornography: Since high-speed digital porn gives men additional sexual options—more supply for his elevated demand—it takes some measure of price control away from women. The Pill lowered the cost as well. There are also, quite simply, fewer social constraints on sexual relationships than there once were. As a result, the sexual decisions of young women look more like those of men than they once did, at least when women are in their twenties. The price of sex is low, in other words, in part because its costs to women are lower than they used to be.

But just as critical is the fact that a significant number of young men are faring rather badly in life, and are thus skewing the dating pool. It's not that the overall gender ratio in this country is out of whack; it's that there's a growing imbalance between the number of successful young women and successful young men. As a result, in many of the places where young people typically meet—on college campuses, in religious congregations, in cities that draw large numbers of twentysomethings—women outnumber men by significant margins. (In one Manhattan ZIP code, for example, women account for 63 percent of 22-year-olds.)

The idea that sex ratios alter sexual behavior is well-established. Analysis of demographic data from 117 countries has shown that when men outnumber women, women have the upper hand: Marriage rates rise and fewer children are born outside marriage. An oversupply of women, however, tends to lead to a more sexually permissive culture. The same holds true on college campuses. In the course of researching our book Premarital Sex in America, my co-author and I assessed the effects of campus sex ratios on women's sexual attitudes and behavior. We found that virginity is more common on those campuses where women comprise a smaller share of the student body, suggesting that they have the upper hand. By contrast, on campuses where women outnumber men, they are more negative about campus men, hold more negative views of their relationships, go on fewer dates, are less likely to have a boyfriend, and receive less commitment in exchange for sex.

The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health data offer other glimpses into just how low the cost of sex is for young men ages 18 through 23. Take the speed with which these men say their romantic relationships become sexual: 36 percent of young men's relationships add sex by the end of the second week of exclusivity; an additional 13 percent do so by the end of the first month. A second indicator of cheap sex is the share of young men's sexual relationships—30 percent—that don't involve romance at all: no wooing, no dates, no nothing. Finally, as my colleagues and I discovered in our interviews, striking numbers of young women are participating in unwanted sex—either particular acts they dislike or more frequent intercourse than they'd prefer or mimicking porn (being in a dating relationship is correlated to greater acceptance of and use of porn among women).

Yes, sex is clearly cheap for men. Women's "erotic capital," as Catherine Hakim of the London School of Economics has dubbed it, can still be traded for attention, a job, perhaps a boyfriend, and certainly all the sex she wants, but it can't assure her love and lifelong commitment. Not in this market. It's no surprise that the percentage of 25- to 34-year-olds who are married has shrunk by an average of 1 percent each year this past decade.

Jill, a 20-year-old college student from Texas, is one of the many young women my colleagues and I interviewed who finds herself confronting the sexual market's realities. Startlingly attractive and an all-star in all ways, she patiently endures her boyfriend's hemming and hawing about their future. If she were operating within a collegiate sexual economy that wasn't oversupplied with women, men would compete for her and she would easily secure the long-term commitment she says she wants. Meanwhile, Julia, a 21-year-old from Arizona who's been in a sexual relationship for two years, is frustrated by her boyfriend's wish to "enjoy the moment and not worry about the future." Michelle, a 20-year-old from Colorado, said she is in the same boat: "I had an ex-boyfriend of mine who said that, um, he didn't know if he was ever going to get married because, he said, there's always going to be someone better." If this is "the end of men," someone really ought to let them know.

And yet while young men's failures in life are not penalizing them in the bedroom, their sexual success may, ironically, be hindering their drive to achieve in life. Don't forget your Freud: Civilization is built on blocked, redirected, and channeled sexual impulse, because men will work for sex. Today's young men, however, seldom have to. As the authors of last year's book Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality put it, "Societies in which women have lots of autonomy and authority tend to be decidedly male-friendly, relaxed, tolerant, and plenty sexy." They're right. But then try getting men to do anything. ( slate.com )

Married 3 Years and Still No Sex

2011-10-10T22:04:00.001+07:00

Married 3 Years and Still No Sex - We dated in 2007 and married May '08. We had talked about sex and decided to wait until we were married. I bought a sexy white sat an night gown but exchanged it for an old night shirt when he walked in to the bedroom with a T-shirt and sweatpants on. Before we were married he told me he had a mild case of ED because of his blood pressure meds. I was a RN for 27 yrs so knew this could be worked around.

I'm 53 he is 60. We've both been married before. Before we got married he told me he had 3 rules to live by. Making love in the morning, napping in the afternoon and never go to bed angry. So far everyone has been broken. I have tried to initiate some intimacy - even just cuddling and been turned down. This has happened so many times I don't even try anymore. I attended his appt with the cardiologist and discussed the ED issue and the Dr changed his blood pressure meds and gave him prescriptions for Viagra and Cialis. I have planned romantic weekend get aways to no avail. I finally asked him point blank if he didn't find me sexually attractive. He denied this.

I went on an extended vacation alone up north for 3 weeks while he hiked the knob-stone trail in southern IN. He was more affectionate when we both returned home within a day of each other in time to celebrate our 3rd anniversary. He had a romantic restaurant booked and a hotel room for the night. My first thought was 'at last'. We shared a bottle of wine in the double whirlpool with some foreplay and then nothing. I got a little frisky with him and he informed me he couldn't perform on demand. I thought all the planning he had done was leading up to the grand finale. I was wrong. I try to bring up the issue at neutral times and it usually ends up with him storming out of the room. I feel like we are roommates not husband and wife.

When i told him how I felt and asked how our relationship was different from room mates his response was he never loved a roommate. He won't go to counseling. We took a course through our church called Fireproof your marriage based on the movie of the same name. I thought we were getting somewhere but when the course ended so did his interest in trying to improve communication and intimacy. I'm not prepared to live the rest of my life sexless but I'm also not stepping outside my marriage. I moved from Ontario Canada to come to the USA to be with him. I really didn't have any ties holding me there where he has 2 grown daughters grandchildren, brother and sister and parents that are still alive.

I love his family and being a grandma. But that does preclude my need to feel loved and desired by the man I married. I am reaching the point of walking away, but I do love him. He can be controlling or try to be but I have a strong personality so that usually ends up in an argument, Times like that I feel he's using depriving my of sex as a control tactic. I don't know that that is the case but that is how I feel. I'm at a loss of what other suggestions to try and would appreciate any feedback or insight that may help me deal with this situation. ( webmd.com )

Does Public Nudity Spread Disease? - Not especially.

2011-09-26T21:04:00.001+07:00

Does Public Nudity Spread Disease? - Not especially - A proposed law in San Francisco would require the city's nudists to cover public seats with a protective barrier before sitting down. Supervisor Scott Wiener, who introduced the bill, claims that sharing bus seats, cafe benches, and restaurant chairs with naked people is a threat to public health. It's a claim that's been repeated in city ordinances and even a Supreme Court case. Does public nudity really increase the spread of infectious diseases?

Not especially. Unlike most cities in the United States, San Francisco law has allowed public nudity for years so long as it is not "lewd" (i.e. directly connected to a sex act). Yet the city's department of public health has no published cases of a person who became sick from exposure to the neighborhood nudists. Whatever bodily microbes one of them might deposit on a seat pose no more of a health risk than those you might find in a public restroom or pick up by shaking hands with a stranger.

There isn't much reason to fear getting a sexually transmitted disease from naked sitters. These infections are most commonly the result of vigorous and prolonged exposure of a person's mucous membranes, the thinner and more permeable skin found in the mouth and on the genitals. If you happened to share a seat with an infected nudist, you'd be protected both by your clothes and by your epidermis, which serves as an effective barrier against pathogens all by itself.

Can you catch a cold, or worse, from nudists?

Scabies can survive apart from a human body for a few days, and are known to be transmitted via shared bedding or other nonsexual pathways. Extended, skin-to-skin contact does pose a risk of infection, but the danger of picking up the disease from a seat—especially if you're wearing clothes yourself—is negligible.

Diseases like salmonella, E. coli, and hepatitis A, which can be transmitted through the fecal-oral route, might also seem like threats, but there's no reason to believe that public nudity would lead to a significant rise in infection rates. Most people are regularly exposed to fecal-oral pathogens from other sources, including computer keyboards and dollar bills. The immune system of a relatively healthy and hygienic person is generally able to survive exposure to these pathogens in small quantities, and, indeed, most people do so daily. It's not impossible that one of these illnesses (or any other) could be transmitted from a nudist in an urban environment, but such events would be very uncommon. Public-health experts say that increased nudity would not lead to an increase in infection rates. ( slate.com )

Nudity Disappears from German Beaches, Parks

2011-07-22T21:31:00.001+07:00

Nudity Disappears from German Beaches, Parks -- If you're visiting a public park or beach in Germany expecting to see plenty of exposed flesh, you may be in for a surprise.

The naked sunbathers who once crowded Germany's Baltic beaches and city parks are becoming an endangered species due to shifting demographics, the fall of the Berlin Wall, growing prosperity and widening girths.

Much to the chagrin of Free Body Culture (FKK) enthusiasts who have been stripping off their clothing on beaches and parks since the early 1900s, a cold wind has been blowing across Germany for nudists and their numbers are steadily dwindling.

"German society is changing and it's not easy to be a naturist anymore," said Kurt Fischer, president of the German FKK association (DFK). There are some 500,000 registered nudists and a total of seven million Germans sunbathe naked regularly.

Mostly clothed people relax in Munichs English Garten park. The naked sunbathers who once crowded Germanys Baltic beaches and city parks are becoming an endangered species

"But the numbers are unfortunately falling by about two percent each year," Fischer told a group of reporters in the Foreign Press Association (VAP) while sitting, fully clothed, at a beach bar in Berlin's government quarter. "Times are tough."

The main problem is the shrinking population, Fischer said.

The number of Germans fell by more than 3.2 million over the last three decades even though the country's total population has managed to remain more or less steady at about 82 million thanks to immigration -- often from countries in Eastern Europe and the Balkans as well as Turkey and Arabic countries.

"Our problems are demographic changes and the fact that immigrants aren't interested in social nudity," said Fischer, 70, whose association has such honoured standing in Germany that it is even part of the Olympic Sport Federation (DOSB).

"Germany is relying more and more on immigrants to keep the population steady. But many come from countries with strong religious beliefs. They just aren't into FKK."

Immigrants who arrive from cultures where headscarves are common will not usually be interested in becoming naturists in Germany, he said. Virtues of social nudity

With one of the lowest birth rates in the world, Germany's native population is projected to fall from about 75 million to 50 million by 2050, population researchers say.

The dwindling number of Germans has caused myriad problems -- affecting everything from beer and schnitzel sales to the numbers of schoolchildren. The country's proud nudity traditions are not immune. Fischer said the trend is inexorable.

"It's better that we shrink in a controlled fashion and keep a diverse age-group structure with all age-groups than to try to stay bloated with mostly seniors and few young people," he said.

Fischer added they were using "special trial offers", direct recruitment and other gimmicks to attract young people.

Nude sunbathing has a long tradition in Germany. The Free Body Culture (FKK) movement was founded in the early 20th century and succeeded in taking much of the smut and embarrassment out of nudity.

Even Germany's top model Heidi Klum was quoted in the German media recently extolling the virtues of topless sunbathing and describing difficulties she has pursuing it in places such as the United States and Italy where it's frowned upon or illegal.

"I love to get a sun tan and I don't like white stripes," said Klum. "I don't worry about what other people think." Her parents often ran around in the nude and still do, she said.

In Germany, public nudity on beaches and lakes is by and large tolerated and practitioners face no legal consequences, although some courts have fined some caught hiking nude on public trails or riding bikes or horses while naked.

For decades nudity was a popular way for those living in Communist East Germany to express themselves -- and was a small piece of freedom for those behind the Iron Curtain. East German beaches on the Baltic were always filled with nude bathers.

But that began to gradually fall out of fashion in many areas in the east after the Berlin Wall fell in 1989, and then tensions sometimes flared when some western German tourists unaccustomed to the widespread nudity complained.

"When we moved from western Germany to a town in the east, we noticed there was less of a taboo about nudity," said one American surprised by the ubiquitous nudity in the east. "It really struck me at a nearby lake when people were just naked in the water or getting a tan in the sun and nobody was bothered."

That, however, has also begun to change. "We've got a lot chubbier"

Increasing wealth and fashion-consciousness in Germany and especially the east has hurt the movement as well. "We're all equal in the nude," said Fischer, a westerner who admitted it felt like "torture" for him to sit in his clothes on a bright sunny summer afternoon while talking to journalists.

"When people are naked you can't tell the difference between the man with the doctorate and the man who collects trash. There used to be more of an egalitarian attitude. People now want to distinguish themselves and one way to show off is with fancy swimsuits. It's not easy for the nudist in a society like this."

There are other reasons contributing to decline of the unique German cultural tradition. As a 70-year-old eastern woman named Brigitte pointed out, growing prosperity has led to growing waist sizes.

"In East Germany, there were a lot more people with attractive physiques," said Brigitte, a retired dental assistant and avid naturist who asked that her full name not be used.

"But with the rise in prosperity a lot of people have come apart at the seams and they can't show their bodies in public anymore. We've become a lot chubbier with all this prosperity. It's not really very aesthetic anymore."

Brigitte said she misses the East German era when entire beaches and camping areas were packed with nudists even though parts of West Germany, such as Munich's English Garten park and West Berlin's Tiergarten, have proud FKK traditions.

"I miss those places more and more," she said, admitting that she often feels inhibited about being nude and now wraps a towel around herself until she gets to the water. "You definitely see fewer people in then nude. But I don't think the movement will die out. It's too much fun." ( Reuters)

Handsome Men Mean Better Sex

2011-07-22T20:32:00.001+07:00

Handsome Men Mean Better Sex - Women orgasm more quickly and more often with handsome partners, according to research carried out by anthropologists and psychologists.

Noting that "supporting evidence indicates that female orgasm promotes conception," the researchers concluded that the female orgasm is linked to the urge to produce "quality" offspring.

The study, which was carried out at Pennsylvania State University, focused on the sex lives of 110 heterosexual couples, who reported who orgasmed and how often.

The male subjects were rated for "objectively-measured facial masculinity, observer-rated facial masculinity, partner-rated masculinity, and partner-rated dominance"; observers, as well as the men themselves, were also asked to rated their own attractiveness.

Women orgasm more quickly and more often with handsome partners, according to research carried out by anthropologists and psychologists.

Women whose partners rated as masculine and dominant reported more frequent and earlier-timed orgasms than those whose partners rated less well. The women whose partners were deemed attractive also orgasmed more often during or after male ejaculation.

Frequency of female orgasm as a result of masturbation was not predicted by the male partner's attractiveness.

"Thus, possible conception-promoting correlates of female orgasm may be especially effective and/or likely when copulation occurs with masculine males," the authors wrote in the study, published in the journal Evolution and Human Behaviour.

"These results appear to support a role for female orgasm in sire choice." ( sydney morning herald )

Sex, Power, and Very Strange Habits

2011-07-22T20:08:00.002+07:00

Sex, Power, and Very Strange Habits - Alpha males, for all their swagger and success with the ladies, are actually completely miserable.

Lashings of money, power and sex may be bloody wonderful but it's also bloody stressful to keep up; much more relaxing to be a weedy beta who works in accounts and only enjoys conjugal relations on weekends and alternate Wednesdays.

Research into the general well-being of the alpha - carried out by Princeton University and published this week - confirms my long-held suspicions, suspicions developed during a period of dating one.

He wooed me by beating his mighty fists against his broad chest (plied me with wine and carried me home from the pub on his back), but after a while it became clear that he used fake tan, worried endlessly about his weight and spent half an hour every morning preening himself in front of the mirror.

Alpha males ... vanity and strange habits are often part of the package.

'Do you fancy me?' he would ask, as he returned from yet another two-hour workout. The question was irritating and the more he asked it, the less I did.

Anyway, this study goes some way to explaining the increasingly strange behaviour of alpha alpha alpha male Bear Grylls. Mr Grylls, who was born plain Edward, got his name not because he wrestled grizzlies to the death, but because he used to carry a teddy around with him (so a good friend of his informs me).

The former SAS reservist, whose skills as a self-proclaimed 'born survivor' have been tested to the very limit as he toughs it out in hotels around the globe, has a new television programme that has just started on the Discovery Channel.

In one episode, he finds himself - as if by magic - stranded on an island off the coast of Scotland. How will he get out of this one? The rest of us mere mortals would simply lie down and die, or alternatively not ask a production company to drop us off in the freezing cold in the middle of nowhere in the first place.

But brave Bear, stumbling across a seal that just happens to have died nearby, slits the mammal in half and proceeds to wear it as a wetsuit. He has outwitted the Grim Reaper yet again!

This is not his first such display of ingenuity. He has used a sheep's carcass as a sleeping bag, and crawled inside a dead camel for shelter in the past. It is quite the party trick. But were you ever stuck on a desert island with Bear, you would have to sleep with one eye open to make sure he didn't kill you and wear you as a frock.

Yet, despite his undoubted survival skills, I worry about Bear Grylls. I worry about him in a way that I don't about, say, Ray Mears, because I think Ray Mears couldn't give a camel's carcass about being an alpha male. But Bear seems so obsessed with proving his toughness, that he only ends up emasculating himself.

When I watch his desperate battles for survival in some of the least hospitable terrain on the planet, I don't think 'What an amazingly brave man'. I just think: 'WHY?'

I fret that Bear might one day fall victim to the Boy Who Cried Wolf Syndrome. He'll be in real danger, and the crew will just think he's doing his usual macho posturing, and off they will go, thinking 'you've made your bed in a sheep's skin - now you must lie in it'.

Nah. I'd rather take an under-achieving beta boy or a grateful gamma guy over an alpha male any day. ( The Daily Telegraph )

How Berlusconi Could Make Love Five Times A Day

2011-07-05T21:43:00.000+07:00

How Berlusconi Could Make Love Five Times A Day -- A belly dancer and a regional councillor entertained controversial Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi with a 'lesbian kiss' at his infamous bunga bunga parties, a court has heard.

Karima El Mahroug was just 17 when she put on the show with former dental hygienist turned politician Nicole Minetti, 25, who is said to have recruited girls for the parties.

The details emerged in court documents on the same day the media tycoon's personal doctor said Berlusconi, 74, had the 'sex drive of a man at least 15 years younger and could make love five times a day'.

Miss El Mahroug is one of 33 women who were guests at the bunga bunga parties - the phrase said to refer to a crude after dinner sex game - that were held at Berlusconi's villa near Milan.

The court in Milan has already heard prosecutors describe Berlusconi's home as a 'bordello' because of the sexual element to the parties he hosted but which he claims were 'simply elegant dinners'.

Performance: Karima El Mahroug (left) and Nicole Minetti (right) are said to have shared a Lesbian kiss, paid for by Berlusconi at one of his bunga bunga parties

Prosecutor Pietro Forno told the court Miss El Mahroug had given a statement in which she described how she and Anglo-Italian Miss Minetti gave each other a 'Sapphic (lesbian) kiss at a party held in February 2010'.

Mr Forno added that her statement was backed up by other witnesses and 'not an invention of the young girl and was solely for Berlusconi' and that the sex acts were 'paid for by him'.

Telephone intercepts which have been leaked and which form part of the investigation reveal how women dressed as nurses and police officers during the parties and gyrated around lap dancing poles. The women were given cash and jewellery in return for providing sexual favours, prosecutors said during a hearing in Milan before judge Maria Grazia Domanico.

She must rule if there is enough evidence to send Miss Minetti, TV news anchorman Emilio Fede, 79, and showbusiness agent Lele Mora, 55, for trial on charges of recruiting prostitutes.

All three of them, Berlusconi, and the women have denied the allegations and earlier this year he said 33 women was too many 'even for a man half my age' - although his doctor Umberto Scapagnini painted a different picture of him.

In a radio interview he said: 'Physically Berlusconi is a man of 60 or even less - he could have sex four or five times a day, above the average, without any problems.

'He has even asked my advice on pills and injections and I've told him what I think, he is in good shape.

'I have suggested he take things easy and maybe have a nap after lunch but as we all know he is an ill disciplined patient.'

Berlusconi himself is currently involved in four trials, including one where he is accused of having paid for sex with Miss El Mahroug, which is classed as an under-age prostitute as she was below 18 at the time. ( dailymail.co.uk )

Is Pornography Desensitising The Male Brain?

2011-07-05T21:39:00.000+07:00

Is Pornography Desensitising The Male Brain? -- Pornography today permeates society - available on television, in magazines and to anyone on the internet. It may not come as a surprise to some that men spend up to 80 per cent more time than women looking at X-rated content online.

But feminists are warning heightened consumption comes with damaging, and addictive effects: disrupting normal sexual function and ruining relationships as young men become desensitised to the erotic appeal of their partners.

Social critic, political activist and author Naomi Wolf weighed in on the 'problem of porn' on CNN's Global Public Square blog this week. Wolf, who published her essay 'The Porn Myth' six years ago, contends that therapists and sexual counsellors in her research have connected a rise in pornographic consumption among young men 'with an increase in impotence and premature ejaculation among the same population.'

Relationship sabotage A couple shares a look through a pornographic magazine

'The hypothesis among the experts was that pornography was progressively desensitizing these men sexually,' she writes. A recent poll, conducted by BBC Radio One Newsbeat in association with doctors from the Portman Clinic, appears to echo her claims.

The poll, more than 1,000 18- to 24-year-olds in the U.K., found that eight out of ten men looked at porn on the internet - compared to one-third of women, with men spending an average of two hours a week watching pornography on internet, compared with just 15 minutes for women.

While 61 per cent said they were more likely to put off real-life sex after watching pornography, just 27 per cent of moderate and 24 per cent of light users felt the same. Dr Heather Wood, from the Portman Clinic, said hours online watching graphic images could have worrying effects.

The study found that heavy porn visitors, four out of five who watched erotic content online for 10 hours a week, were more likely to indulge in 'problematic and potentially compulsive' behaviour. Wood told BBC: 'Those people spending large amounts of time accessing porn are not having more fun.

'They are more worried about themselves, more worried about what they are looking at, and report more relationship problems.'

Researchers say pornography taps into intense emotional, biological and chemical connections throughout the brain and body. And arousal through pornography, which leads to the release of the naturally occurring chemicals dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin and serotonin, can become addictive.

Wolf writes: 'This dopamine effect explains why pornography tends to become more and more extreme over time: ordinary sexual images eventually lose their power, leading consumers to need images that break other taboos in other kinds of ways, in order to feel as good.'

'Moreover, some men (and women) have a 'dopamine hole' - their brains’ reward systems are less efficient - making them more likely to become addicted to more extreme porn more easily.'

'The neural circuitry is identical to that for other addictive triggers, such as gambling or cocaine,' Wolf writes.

'The addictive potential is also identical: just as gamblers and cocaine users can become compulsive, needing to gamble or snort more and more to get the same dopamine boost, so can men consuming pornography become hooked. As with these other reward triggers, after the dopamine burst wears off, the consumer feels a letdown - irritable, anxious, and longing for the next fix.'

That search for the 'next fix' has triggered a boom in internet porn - and industry that pulls in $4.9billion per year worldwide, according to research conducted by the online Master of Business Administration. Feminist blogger Sady Doyle is concerned increased consumption may be pushing women to be more submissive to their partner's desires.

Doyle told New York Times magazine: 'I think sometimes it's much harder for women to say, "I'm not into that," or "Please, I don't want to do that, let's do something else," than it is to say, "Sure,"' she said.

'Putting all the onus on the person who doesn't have that fetish or desire, particularly if the person who doesn't have that desire is the woman, really reproduces a lot of old structures and means of oppression for women.' ( dailymail.co.uk )

Kissing Styles According to Zodiac Signs

2011-06-24T17:36:00.002+07:00

Kissing Styles According to Zodiac Signs - Does your man give you long lingering kisses or quick passionate ones? We help you decode your kissing style, and his, according to the zodiac. It could tell you a thing or two about how you should lock lips with your partner wink, wink!

Some like it hot

If you’re looking for hot passion, then nothing like the Fire Signs to float your boat. Aries Leo and Sagittarius love a bit of aggressive passion. They enjoy it, and they want lots of kisses, and quick!

Aries: Your kisses are filled with lust and passion, and are very quick.

Leo: You enjoy wild, unrestricted kisses which have some bite (literally) to them!

Sagittarius: You love to surprise with spontaneous kisses and always leave them wanting more.

Bring me back to earth

Like a bit of sensuality? Who better to bring it down nice and sexy than the Earth Signs – Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn! No quick thrills here. Their kisses are long, deep and lasting and it might take you a while to come back to earth after these heavenly kisses.

Taurus: Your kisses are heartfelt and can linger forever.

Virgo: Your kisses are sensual and heartfelt, but very tidy and subtle too!

Capricorn: Kissing relaxes you and de-stresses you and with your lingering passion, you want your partner to feel the same!

Head in the air...err clouds?

The Air Signs love intellectual stimulation because their heads are almost always up there in the clouds. Expect stimulating kisses but not before you’ve had a mind-blowing conversation, sharing your dreams or simply opining!

Gemini: You could giggle through your kisses or stop to smile and even make funny and witty observations!

Libra: You love the kisses but can stop to worry if your breath smells fine!

Aquarius: Your kisses can be messy, wet and you might keep your eyes open.

Smooth like water

Ever heard of “Still waters run deep”? The Watery ones (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) can be shy to start out but they’re more passionate than you realise!

Cancer: Warm and tender, you never want to let go of kissing.

Scorpio: You love to kiss, but your passion can make you rush to...umm, the next step.

Pisces: Expect Starry-eyed, passionate and long-lasting kisses from the Pisceans.

Now that you know a li’l more about your kissing style and your partner, don’t be shy to try some new moves and experiment. ( idiva.com )

Sex with someone from the future can be hazardous to your health

2011-06-21T15:43:00.001+07:00

Sex with someone from the future can be hazardous to your health - There comes a time in every science writer’s career when one must write about female sea monkeys having sex with male sea monkeys from the future, and the troubles that follow.

That time is now.

In many species of animals, males and females have a conflict of evolutionary interests. Males compete with each other for the opportunity to fertilize the eggs of females. Males use all sorts of strategies in these competitions. They fight with each other for territory, they scare off intruding males, they put scrapers into females to dump out the sperm from previous males, and they inject “anti-aphrodiasiacs” to make females unreceptive to other males.

A number of experiments suggest that females have to pay a steep price for these male shenanigans. Anti-aphrodisiacs are toxic to the females, shortening their lifetime. Why would males harm the females that carry their offspring? In many species, males can mate with many females. The long-term health of any one female doesn’t matter–in an evolutionary sense–to the male.

As natural selection favors increasingly deadly male mating strategies, this onslaught opens up the opportunity, in turn, for the evolution of counterstrategies in females. In some species, females may evolve antidotes to male poisons. The males, in turn, may evolve counterattacks to overcome these new defenses. Theoretically, this coevolution can become a never-ending cycle of sexual conflict, capable of producing some of nature’s greatest extravagances

Up till now, the best evidence for this kind of sexual conflict came from experiments. Scientists manipulated Drosophila flies so that the males were free to evolve while the females couldn’t. The result: the lifespan of the females got shorter and shorter over the course of generations. In a flipped version of the experiment, scientists prevented males from mating with lots of females, as they normally do. Instead, the male flies were forced into monogamy. Now there was no evolutionary reward for competing with other males. Over time, the male fly toxins got less toxic, and the females lost their defenses.

Now Nicolas Rode of the the Center for Functional and Evolutionary Ecology in Montpellier, France, and his colleagues have found a new way testing this hypothesis: by having males travel through time to mate with females.

The time-traveling males in this case are brine shrimp (a k a sea monkeys). Brine shrimp produce tough eggs that can survive through droughts for years and then hatch into healthy young when water returns. In the Great Salt Lake in Utah, the brine shrimp egg cysts form layers on the lake bed going back decades. Rode and his colleagues gathered cysts from layers that formed in 1985, 1996, and 2007. They brought the cysts back to their lab and reared the sea monkeys. And then they orchestrated some sea monkey sex. They had females mate with males from their own time, as well as from the other years. For example, females from 1996 could mate with males from 2007 and 1985.

If sexual conflict is an ongoing evolutionary process, you’d expect females to fare differently with males from different time periods. They’d be best-adapted to the males of their own time, and worse adapted to males from other times. Evolutionary theorists have developed two different models for how this time-traveling sex would play out. It’s possible that males and females escalate their adaptations over time in an evolutionary arms race. It’s also possible that evolution moves more like a merry-go-round. For a while, one male strategy may dominate, and one female counterstrategy dominates as well. But then a new male strategy pops up, for which the females have no defense at all. That male strategy then rises to dominance, and a corresponding female counterstrategy eventually evolves as well.

Rode and his colleagues tracked the females, noting how many eggs they had and how long they lived. And they discovered, as predicted, that having sex with males from another time is bad for a sea monkey’s health. The further away in time the sea monkeys were, the sooner the female sea monkey died. When the male traveled 22 years to mate with a female, her life was cut short on average by 12%.

There are lots of caveats to this study–which you’d expect for the first study of its kind. The results weren’t clear enough for the scientists to pick the arms race or merry-go-round model as the best explanation for the conflict between the sexes. And over the entire lifetime of the female sea monkeys, time-shifting didn’t have a measurable effect on their reproductive success. That’s because they females who were dying faster also produced eggs at a faster rate.

Another mystery is how the time-traveling males are harming the females. Rode and his colleagues note one unusual aspect of brine shrimp sex: males and females can stay clasped together for hours–even days. They’re not cuddling in some erotic afterglow. Studies on other species suggest that the males are holding on tight and the females would prefer to get on with their lives. Amplexus, as this embrace is known, may be yet another way for males to outcompete their rivals. By holding on tight to females, they can prevent their mates from finding other males.

Females pay a price for this guarding; it can make them easier targets for predators and prevent them from eating. Scientists have found that female water-striders have evolved lots of acrobatic moves to get clasping males off of them. It’s possible that sea monkeys engage in a similar sexual wrestling match, and that the male and female moves evolve over time.

Whatever the answer to these questions, one thing seems fairly clear. If you’re a female sea monkey, and you see a blinding flash of light, and a male sea monkey suddenly appears saying he’s got to protect you from an army of sea monkey robots from the future–take care. Your well-being is definitely at risk. ( discovermagazine.com )

Orgasm Guaranteed - What I learned while freelancing at Cosmopolitan

2011-06-08T22:25:00.001+07:00

Orgasm Guaranteed - What I learned while freelancing at Cosmopolitan - As I walked into the elegant Hearst Tower, home to many of the country's top magazines, with gleaming white floors and a two-story waterfall, I was sure my life was about to change forever. I was 23, wearing a gray hand-me-down wool dress from Bergdorf Goodman that my mother's friend gave me, and I was reporting for duty for my first job in publishing: fact-checking at Cosmopolitan.

When I moved to New York City a few months before, I had a vague but highly determined notion that I wanted to be a writer. I got jobs baby-sitting and working as a catering waitress. I obsessively read books about how to write magazine pitches, took "secrets of publishing" classes, and dutifully followed alumni networking leads. One of those leads, it so happened, led a frazzled research chief at Cosmopolitan to call me one Monday afternoon in January. "Was there any way I was free to come in and fact-check for the rest of the week on such short notice?" I burst with joy as I replied in as soothing a tone as I could muster. Yes, after checking my schedule I could be available to fact-check for the rest of the week. She told me the pay was $25 an hour and gave me the Hearst Tower address.

I was sure it was my big break. I would be meeting editors! I would learn how the publishing world worked from the inside! Cosmo was owned by Hearst, which owns many interesting publications! I would be working in the glamorous halls of the glossy mags! My foot was truly in the door!

Once I had giddily called my parents to tell them this life-changing news, reality started to set in. First off, not only had I never fact-checked; I had only a vague sense of what fact-checking was. I had mentioned in networking coffee dates that I'd like to try it, mainly because I knew I'd be a terrible copy editor and I thought fact-checking seemed easier. Mild panic set in. I Googled.

Fact-checking, it appeared, was verifying the accuracy of statements in articles using research and calling previously interviewed sources to verify quotes. That seemed like something I could handle. But another large, looming question entered my mind: What kind of facts could Cosmopolitan possibly have?

Wasn't Cosmo the mega-blockbuster magazine that features perfectly Photoshopped models with miles of cleavage and screaming headlines like "17 Sex Tips That Will Leave Him Breathless for More!" and "Why Naughty Girls Have More Fun in Bed"? I didn't qualify as a Cosmo girl. I'd never given more thought to cosmetics than could fit into a few quick and baffling trips to makeup counters in department stores. My fashion sense deeply lacked direction. And I'd never been one to gush about my sex life. Cosmo and facts immediately produced cognitive dissonance in me.

But once I entered the spotless Hearst Tower with pre-programmed elevators and sweeping views of Central Park and the Hudson River, I was committed to checking facts of any sort. The research chief I was to be working under was a tiny woman with an Italian name. She whisked me through the office, which seemed to be filled with high-heeled women who avoided eye contact, to my workstation.

"Here's the first article—it's on mascaras. All of the backup research is in the folder. I'm not sure what kinds of pens and colors you like to use, but here's a few."

Pens. Colors. This must be a test.

"Um, so is it OK if I write directly on this printout? With the colored pens?"

She looked at me, slightly puzzled. "Sure, that's fine. Just let me know if you have any other questions," she said with some hesitation. I could see the question lurking behind her eyes. "Have you done this before?" She probably already knew that the answer was no.

I opened the folder on mascaras with a level of excitement I have never personally experienced from applying mascara.

All advice in Cosmo, I quickly sussed out, is provided by "experts," whether their area of expertise is lip liner or liposuction. Any material that is vaguely health-oriented has to be verified by a medical doctor or published medical literature. All descriptions of beauty tricks must come from interviews and are cross-checked with follow-up emails or calls from the research team. And every product must be checked for correct spelling and price. Every word in Cosmo, surprisingly, is verified with a professional rigor that far exceeds virtually all Internet publications and daily newspapers.

The days flew past and I stumbled my way through my first week and got asked back for future fact-checking sessions. My semi-regular stints at Cosmo now consisted of sitting in a cubicle in an open area next to a middle-aged office manager who wore leggings as pants every day, while drilling down on the truly important life questions: Is it scientifically true that when men spend time away from their partners the number of sperm increases the next time they climax during intercourse? Could a biology professor confirm for me that guys thrust more quickly and deeply during sex if they suspect their partner may be cheating? Usually the experts that I talked to were mildly annoyed that their thoughtful advice and explanations had been so oversimplified, but they also knew that their most recent book was getting mentioned in Cosmo after their name.

While other recent college grads might be placing orders for office supplies or turkey sandwiches, my side of phone conversations went something like this:

"Doctor, we're describing the technique of a 'hand job with a twist that stimulates the penis and G spot simultaneously.' Can I read you our description of this technique?"

"Oh. OK. So it's not accurate to call it a G spot. Only women have G spots? So you are saying it's important to call it a 'male G spot' or a 'P spot.' OK, I'm making a note of that to tell the writer."

"So here's the description: 'Wrap your hand around his shaft and gently bend it toward and away from his belly button.' Would this motion would be similar to moving a … joystick? Is that accurate?"

"So is it accurate to say that 'doing this causes the spongy tissue in his penis to rub against the prostate'?"

"Great. We have a quote from you on this as, 'Pressing on those nerves will have a domino effect. It primes his entire body, making every sensation down to his orgasm feel more intense.' Can we attribute that to you?"

"OK, so you are saying that is more of a description of direct prostate stimulation, rather than indirect, and that this technique doesn't have as strong of an effect?"

"So it's more about getting the penis to sink into the pelvis."

"Wonderful. And can I verify that your title is staff sexologist at goodvibes.com?"

"Thanks so much for your time."

At first, these calls filled me with a mix of titillation and humiliation. I was gathering my war stories in the publishing trenches and I secretly relished the shock value of casually deadpanning at parties, "I fact-check sex stories at Cosmo." It seemed to fit the mold of some New York City bad girl I'd never actually be.

But the novelty of checking sex tips quickly wore off. My email was eventually filled with one-liners from higher-up editors like, "Due to length and fact-check issues, we're going to cut the fact about the increase in size of the testicles during orgasm." Mind-blowing orgasms quickly seemed as boring as corporate-speak about mergers and acquisitions. I certainly wasn't learning anything about sex. All the advice seemed to be variations on earlier articles and ran together in my mind as I dissected the endless lists of tips and tricks.

After 18 months of sporadic assignments, I was given a new fact-checking task I hadn't done before. I had to verify with "real guys" their romantic and sexual experiences about turn-ons. Instead of doctors with books to sell, I had to call and email men whom writers had interviewed to confirm things like how hot it was when a girlfriend had dressed up in a nurse's costume. Since I had a list of their real names and email addresses before pseudonyms were added to the actual article, I could hardly stop myself from doing some light cyber stalking. Who were these people? It all felt so sleazy and personal and delightfully voyeuristic. However, it also made the whole process feel unabashedly creepy. When it actually came down to it, I really didn't want to talk to these random men and confirm their actual bedroom escapades. Gross.

I had to track one guy down about his story of how sweet it was when his girlfriend brought him soup when he was sick. I read him the one-line blurb.

"Well, I wouldn't exactly say she was my girlfriend," he replied with a scoff.

"Um, OK," I stammered. "Perhaps 'the girl you were dating' would be more accurate?"

"Ha, well, I guess you could call her that. Hey, also, can you add in a part about what we did after she brought the soup?"

"Um. What do you mean, add something?" I asked, perplexed.

"How about something like, 'She brought me soup and it gave me the strength to be a man with her all night long'?"

I breathed into my stammering silence. "Um, well. No. I can't add that," I said diplomatically. "You aren't writing the story, and neither am I. I'm just trying to confirm if this original quote about the soup is accurate."

"Really? You can't add that?" He asked with indignation. "You know, my mother is going to read this. I want it to look good!" He said with no trace of irony.

As soon as I extricated myself from the phone, I couldn't resist Googling this Romeo who wanted to impress his mother with his tales of sexual prowess in Cosmo. His MySpace profile made him appear to be a meathead from New Jersey.

Shortly after that week wrapped up, I decided that maybe my time as a freelance fact-checker should come to a close. It wasn't calling Jersey-based stallions that prompted my decision, but the fact that I'd gotten away from the kind of work I came to New York to do. Even so, I'll always remember 13 creative ways to use a feather boa. ( slate.com )

The Sexual Fluidity of Women

2011-05-20T21:40:00.001+07:00

The Sexual Fluidity of Women - Ever since Margaret Atwood—a feminist novelist in the most important sense — wrote her famous story “Rape Fantasies,” people have understood that sometimes women’s sexual fantasies are anything but politically correct. Now there’s an interesting story in the New York Times Magazine that implicitly asks: Are contemporary women doomed to experience a schism between what their bodies lust for and their minds tell them they want? (Full disclosure: Dan Bergner, the author, is an old acquaintance.) The story offers up a road map of female desire as charted by postfeminist scientists, who have been exploring female desire with gusto. Guess what? What women want in bed is far more complex and, well, polymorphously perverse than some had formerly thought. In fact, no one understands any of it yet.

Yet one interesting idea emerges from the piece: the notion that female desire is based less on intimacy (the old truism) than on the perception of being desired—a notion that, it would seem, complicates feminist notions of owning your sexuality. To take just a few bits of research from the piece: As Bergner reports, scientists have long wondered why women sometimes describe feeling arousal (even orgasm) during nonconsensual sex; some scientists now theorize that it stems from an evolutionary adaptation to early human sex. (Women whose genitals remained unlubricated were more susceptible to injury, infection, and, consequently, death.) Bergner connects this to the fact that women seem to be more responsive—on a physiological level—to a breadth of visual stimuli than men are. One recent study, conducted by psychologist Meredith Chivers, found that heterosexual women responded sexually to a wider array of videos than men did; while the men in the study mostly responded to images involving women (and the gay men mostly responded to images involving men), the straight women in the study were turned on by everything from heterosexual sex to a nude woman doing calisthenics to bonobos mating.

Interestingly, though, the women recorded their sexual response differently than did the machines that measured it: They said they had been more turned on by the images of heterosexual sex—and less turned on by the images of bonobo sex—than they actually had been. Hmm. As I understand it, this discrepancy either means that women’s minds and bodies are subconsciously at war or that the women were conscious of their less “normative” desire but felt ashamed of it. In either case, it bears thinking about.

So does the complicated notion that there's something reactive about female sexuality. (After all, we've all had the experience, I'm sure, of not desiring a man who desired us.) Be that as it may, there's something worth mulling about the (mostly female) scientists' new thinking on the matter. As Bergner puts it, scientists like Chivers believe that “female sexuality [may be] divided between two truly separate, if inscrutably overlapping, systems: the physiological and the subjective.” So I’m curious: Did any of you buy any of this? What was your reaction? ( slate.com )

Seven Ways to Recreate Hot Honeymoon Sex

2011-05-03T15:56:00.002+07:00

Seven Ways to Recreate Hot Honeymoon Sex - Just because William and Kate are the ones who just tied the knot, that doesn’t mean they should be the only ones having any fun — and what’s more fun than honeymoon sex?

I’ll tell you what’s more fun – fake honeymoon sex. You see, the trouble with true honeymoon sex is that it can come loaded with an awful lot of pressure and preconceived notions. Some even say it’s a predictor of how the sex will be throughout the marriage. But that’s hogwash. Honeymoon sex is just that – honeymoon sex. It’s one night, one week, one month, or whatever out of the whole marriage.

Sure it might be stellar, but even if it’s mediocre, who cares. After all of that planning and partying, it’s no wonder. The cool part is, you can have a do-over any time you like. Whether you want to create the honeymoon sex that was the best canoodling of your life, or you want to have the kind of fireworks-inspiring sex that you had hoped your honeymoon would hold, all you have to do is follow these seven easy steps to great (non) honeymoon sex.

1. Set the scene.

If you can get the heck out of Dodge, do. But if not, do the next best thing – a staycation. Recast your room into a honeymoon suite complete with fresh linens, clutter-less counters, and delicious smells. Think lighting, music, and flowers, too. Better yet, if you have a guest room, take that over and pretend you’re somewhere exotic.

2. Choose your look.

There’s no point playing honeymoon if you’re going to wear that nightgown you’ve had since your kid – who’s now driving – was in elementary school or those undies that should have been retired long ago. Invest in some pretty underthings or some handsome new boxers and surprise your sweetie for a change.

3. Plan ahead.

Send the kids to your mom’s. Take the dogs to the kennel. Put the phone on silent. And tell your boss you’re indisposed. The more you plan, the easier it will be to relax and enjoy. Stress and distraction are two of the top killers of good sex. So, put the world at bay for once and enjoy your (non) honeymoon.

4. Get the goods.

Whether it’s candles or massage oils or sex toys, this adventure is a great time to do a little naughty (and nice) shopping and take things to another level in the bedroom. Now’s the time to do all of those things you’ve been meaning to try but had no excuse to bother with. Well, now’s the time to get hot and bothered!

5. Do your homework.

No matter how much of an expert you are at something, there’s always room to learn more. So, read those books, watch those videos, and reinvent yourself as a lover. Honeymoons are all about first times, sweet surprises and nights to remember. So treat your love to a whole new you in bed.

6. Take the pressure off.

The night doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to “be.” It has to be a time for you and your partner to be together and refocus on one another for a change. That’s the best part of the honeymoon really -- having no one to focus on but each other and nothing but pleasure to worry about. Plus, this time there’s no “have to have a perfect honeymoon” pressure. So, enjoy, for a change.

7. Give in.

Whatever your lines are, let them slip as far as you’re comfortable pushing yourself. Do you usually like the lights off but your partner likes them on? Give in. Do you usually like to stop after Round One but your partner likes to go for the gold? Give in. Do you usually have a standard menu of plays but your partner would like to deviate from the tried and true? Give in.

I wish William and Kate a lifetime of love and joy. And I wish them a peaceful, pleasurable, and paparazzi-free honeymoon. As for the rest of us, let’s not spend too much time toasting the newlyweds. Instead, let's recommit to being “newly bed” like it was the first time all over again! ( foxnews.com )

With same-sex marriage on hold, elderly and ailing couples face a lengthy appeals process

2011-03-29T11:55:00.003+07:00

With same-sex marriage on hold, elderly and ailing couples face a lengthy appeals process - Judges last week extended a stay on same-sex marriage until higher courts rule on Prop. 8. Derence Kernek and Ed Watson hope that process will move faster than the advance of Watson's Alzheimer's disease. — Derence Kernek and Ed Watson live together each day in fear that they won't be able to pledge "till death do us part" before it's too late.

Watson, 78, is in rapidly failing health, afflicted with Alzheimer's disease, obesity, diabetes and hypertension.

A federal appeals court ruled last week that same-sex marriage will remain on hold in California until a judge's ruling striking down Proposition 8 as unconstitutional makes its way through the higher courts — reviews expected to take a year or more.

"We don't have the money to travel to a state where it's legal," said Kernek, 80, observing dejectedly that the travel would probably be too grueling for his partner of 40 years. "Besides, we wanted to do it in California, where our friends are, where we live. Now I don't think we'll be able to, not while Ed can still remember."

Ed Watson, left, and Derence Kernek of Palm Springs have been together for more than 40 years. (Glenn Koenig / Los Angeles Times)

The ticking clock on Watson's awareness was one of a chronicle of arguments presented to the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals in an unsuccessful bid to convey the urgency of letting same-sex marriage resume during the protracted appeals process.

A 9th Circuit panel made up of Judges Stephen Reinhardt, Michael Daly Hawkins and N. Randy Smith denied the request Wednesday without explanation.

Proposition 8 proponents had argued that the voter initiative's restriction of marriage to one man and one woman should remain in place pending the appeal. They said the stay was necessary to avert social chaos if, as they insist is likely, the courts decide that the voters of California had the right to outlaw same-sex marriage.

The Aug. 4 ruling by U.S. District Judge Vaughn R. Walker in San Francisco striking down Proposition 8 as unconstitutional buoyed hopes across the national lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender communities that their rights to marry and raise families would eventually earn full legal recognition.

But for some, including Kernek and Watson, "eventually" could come too late.

In response to an online appeal by the Hollywood-based Courage Campaign for testimony to back the legal challenge of Proposition 8 and other gay-rights litigation, more than 3,000 couples came forward with their stories about why they believe marriage can't wait.

"Life is not eternal — sometimes it is tragically short — and courts should not act as if it were otherwise," said Chad Griffin, board president of the American Foundation for Equal Rights and a key strategist in the legal campaign to scuttle Proposition 8.

The anecdotes of fatal illness and faltering minds were intended to put human faces on gay- and lesbian-rights advocates' arguments that continuing to prohibit same-sex marriage after Walker's ruling inflicts irreparable harm on many.

The Proposition 8 opponents argued that Walker's ruling recognized marriage as a fundamental right for all Americans, and their veteran lawyers, David Boies and Theodore B. Olson, cited case law dictating that a court should suspend a judge's ruling only when the party seeking that stay shows that it is likely to win on appeal and be irreparably harmed in the meantime.

"Each day plaintiffs, and gay men and lesbians like them, are denied the right to marry — denied the full blessings of citizenship — is a day that never can be returned to them," two same-sex couples who brought the successful lawsuit against Proposition 8 argued in their motion.

Those who will be harmed, Courage Campaign chairman Rick Jacobs argued in an accompanying letter to the court, are couples like Kernek and Watson and San Diego residents Jerry Peterson and Bob Smith, both in their 70s and longing to marry before the end of an appeals process that could outlive them. Shane Mayer and John Quintana, 28-year-olds from San Francisco, want to marry while Mayer's cancer-stricken father can still take part, the friend-of-the-court letter testified.

Andrew Pugno, a lawyer for Proposition 8 backers, hailed the panel's ruling as "a victory for Proposition 8 supporters and the initiative process as a whole."

In his appeals court filings, Pugno had argued that the same-sex couples' claim of urgency "rings hollow." He pointed out that they waited six months after the initiative passed to bring their lawsuit and failed to challenge the stay when the 9th Circuit first decided last fall to keep the ban in place while the appeal was being expedited.

Pugno's opponents say they didn't make an issue of the stay when Walker imposed it or when the 9th Circuit agreed it should remain in place because the appeals court said the case would be fast-tracked, Jacobs said. But when the 9th Circuit on Jan. 4 asked the California Supreme Court to decide whether the Proposition 8 architects have the legal right to appeal Walker's ruling, it became clear that the process would drag on until the end of this year, if not longer, Jacobs said.

That outlook is dispiriting for Kernek and Watson, who don't like to contemplate their prospects for surviving the appeals process intact.

"I can't even say how many times I've had to call 911 when he falls or gets into a position where I can't lift him," Kernek says of his partner.

The two retired to this gay-friendly desert oasis five years ago, after their eclectic college pursuits — horticulture, social work and engineering — took them from the Bay Area to Kansas City, then an Oregon farm that was their home and livelihood for a decade.

They registered as domestic partners when they arrived in California, and after the state legalized same-sex marriage three years ago, they thought they could make the ultimate commitment to each other when the time was right. The passage of Proposition 8 in November 2008 shocked them, as did Watson's diagnosis of Alzheimer's a few months later.

Kernek is more confused than bitter about the legal obstacles preventing them from taking vows before Watson's memory recedes to a point of no return.

"Why is it important to anybody else who you are devoted to?" Kernek asks. "I just don't see how who I love hurts anybody else's marriage." ( .latimes.com )

If music be the food of love Tastebuds.fm is on to a winner

2011-03-03T18:59:00.002+07:00

If music be the food of love Tastebuds.fm is on to a winner - Bands are always splitting up over 'musical differences' but a new music-based dating site hopes to have the opposite effect

Music is littered with bands who've broken up due to "musical differences". But, like the young Hollywood starlet suffering from "exhaustion" (translation: she stopped eating solid food five days ago), those "musical differences" can mean something else entirely. They could cover the drummer refusing to address the singer via his spirit guide; the bassist itching incessantly after secretly boinking the keyboardist's boyfriend; or, our favourite, All Saints' Shaznay refusing to let Natalie Appleton wear the jacket she wanted for a photoshoot.

Opposites Attract, Paula Abdul and MC Scat Kat.

But can musical differences migrate to non-musical relationships, too? Couples don't really fall apart because they don't share the same taste in music, do they? Well, maybe not "because of", but we're sure that it doesn't ingratiate them to each other. After Princess Diana left Charles, did he think: "Well, at least that means I don't have to listen to Rio at full pelt any more"? Probably. Was Madonna pissed off when her Ashtanga yoga session was rudely interrupted by Guy Ritchie blasting out The Best Of The Chieftains from the downstairs room? You bet!

Because, despite what Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat memorably told us in 1990, opposites don't attract. Well, they attract for a bit, until you realise they were lying about loving Wings Of Desire and when you played them Lou Reed's Coney Island Baby they thought it was Dire Straits.

Now coming to test the theory further is Tastebuds.fm, a new dating site that uses music fans' Last.fm profiles to "allow you to find similar single people who share your passion for music"; instead of GSOH it's "must love Nizlopi". However, they've forgotten to add that people who use the site are probably awkward geeks who think that a "good time" involves arguing about the best Black Flag album on a messageboard while watching a YouTube clip of a panda farting.

Nevertheless, we type in a list of our three favourite bands (Vengaboys, Napalm Death and 3OH!3) to search for a match. We get six results: two who look like they've just come from a Twilight convention (the Napalm Death fans, we assume), three who don't have photos, and one who looks vaguely normal. The problem was that no one matched The Guide's bands exactly. So we attempt another, less disparate, collection: Plan B, Olly Murs and Echobelly, perhaps? Again two of the same girls come up. Hmm. Is it serendipity or just an glitch in the cache?

We don't seem to be getting anywhere, so – like Bowie in the 70s – we switch sides. There's a dude whose profile says, "I mainly joined this site to find out what a homosexual MF Doom fan looks like", and he's dressed up like a wizard in one of his photos.

So what have we learned? That true love is unlikely to flourish on Tastebuds.fm and, yes, Napalm Death fans look exactly as you imagine them to. ( guardian.co.ukm )

Why I'd Date An Older Man

2011-03-01T16:29:00.002+07:00

Why I'd Date An Older Man - You might have some grey in your hair and a wrinkle or two, but you can still win a younger woman's heart.

Given a choice between George Clooney and Prince William - two men on every most-eligible-bachelor list worldwide - I'd choose 49 year-old Clooney, pants down, over the prince who's practically half his age.

That's a bold statement, considering William is rich, handsome, destined to be king - and about the same age as me. But then again, I'm like a lot of young women: the men I should be attracted to rarely interest me.

Of course, age alone doesn't make a man sexy. Fact is, right around age 35, men start to fall into two categories: attractive bachelor or pathetic single guy. (Or, if he's married with kids: the Eric Bana set.) The Clooneys and Banas of this world attract the admiring glances of younger women because they've cultivated some of these characteristics.

He's experienced, but not fatherly

An older man has sampled enough of life to know how to navigate roadblocks. He has wisdom to share. He's a problem-solver, but doesn't try to solve his lover's troubles. He listens to her, supports her decisions and offers his solutions if - and only if - she asks for them.

He's intelligent, yet hip

He discusses the post-modern complexities of Blade Runner and the social implications of punk rock, not the differences between seed and venture capital.

He's successful, but not flashy

He's a man who has something to show for his life - a career he's passionate about, a home and relationships. He's invested in the world, financially and figuratively. His success is sexy; it's subtle and speaks for itself.

He's in shape and healthy

He exercises and eats heathily, but not just for vanity's sake. He cares about his health and his future and has given up smoking and binge drinking. A man who takes care of himself is capable of taking care of other people - say, future children.

He's stylish, but also age-appropriate

This man has developed a classic and unique style that reflects his age and status in life. He knows the value of quality clothing and good tailoring and knows how to spend money well. He would know how to select elegant lingerie for a present.

He acknowledges his age, but doesn't focus on it

When he dates a younger woman, it's not because he gets off on the fact that she's 22 and he's 42. He doesn't patronise her with endless conversations about the age difference.

He makes me dream about taking him to bed

An older man presumably has had enough sex to figure out exactly what women want in bed. He's polite and discreet; his intentions and ability to follow through on them are telegraphed through a knowing twinkle in his eye.

He knows what he wants

He's passed the waffling, what-do-I-do? stage. When he wants a woman, he tells her. And not surprisingly, often gets her. ( lifestyle.yahoo.com )

Dating After a Breakup

2011-02-28T12:55:00.002+07:00

Dating After a Breakup - After a significant relationship ends, or if you've been through a divorce, the idea of jumping back into the dating world can be overwhelming and intimidating. This is especially true if you are a single parent, or if you have been out of the dating game for a long time. Fortunately, there are many ways you can simplify your return to courtship and make a success out of your newfound singledom.

These are the 4 things you need to know:

Take time to heal.

Make sure that you are mentally and emotionally prepared to date again. This is one of the most important parts of dating after a split. The end of a marriage or long-term relationship can be quite traumatic, especially if children are involved and you were together for many years. You can get through this difficult time by talking to a therapist, relying on friends and family for support, and taking each day as it comes. When you are ready to date again, you will know it!

Find your confidence.

Divorce can do a number on a person's self-esteem. You might blame yourself for a breakup, think that you are a failure, or obsessively wonder what you did wrong. Stop! Your heart is still reeling, and only time will help heal the happiness and confidence that you lost. Until then, fake it ‘til you make it. Try a new haircut, get a facial, start working out again, or update your wardrobe. It might sound simple, but sometimes a little self-esteem boost can do wonders!

Get out there.

You are not going to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right if you never leave the comfort and safety of your own living room. Make an effort to meet new people, and commit to dating at least twice per month. Ask your friends or family members if they know of any great single guys or gals, or try your hand at online dating. The more dates you go on, the more chances you will have to meet someone special. And even if the romantic connection isn't there, you can still network, meet new friends, and just have fun!

Prepare the kids.

If you are dating and you have kids, try to keep any prospective partners away from the house until you are certain he or she is a keeper. Have sleepovers at their house, or if they have kids too, rent a hotel room or save sleepovers for nights when the kids are away. You don't want to confuse or hurt your children if the relationship doesn't pan out. Once you both feel comfortable that the relationship is serious then you can bring your new mate around to meet the kids. Try to make it a fun activity, such as a picnic lunch at the park, or an afternoon at an amusement park.

Remember, love and romance are important parts of everyone's life. Commit to making dating part of your life again, and enjoy the adventure and fun that comes along for the ride! ( lifestyle.yahoo.com )

Five Things You Should Never Post on Facebook

2011-02-21T18:49:00.002+07:00

Five Things You Should Never Post on Facebook - Facebook has become the Google of social networks. If you're not updating your status right now, chances are that you are uploading photos or taking some sort of odd quiz. We post tons of intimate details about our lives that we normally wouldn't share with anyone. We think that as long as we make sure our privacy settings are set correctly that we are safe and snug within our circle of friends.

The problem is that we never know who's really looking at our information. Our friend's account could have been hacked when they installed some rogue application, or their creepy uncle might be using their account because they forgot to log out. For the sake of the safety of you and your family, there is some information that you should never post on Facebook. Here are 5 things you should consider removing or not posting to Facebook and/or other social networks.

facebook

1. You or Your Family's Full Birth Dates

We all love getting “happy birthdays” from our friends on our Facebook wall. It makes us feel all warm inside knowing that people remembered and cared enough to write us a short note on our special day. The problem is when you list your birthday you are providing identity thieves with one of the 3 or 4 pieces of personal information that is needed to steal your identity. It’s best to not list the date at all, but if you must, at least leave out the year. Your real friends should know this info anyway.

2. Your Relationship Status

Whether you are in a relationship or not, it may be best not to make it public knowledge. Stalkers would love to know that you just became newly single. If you change your status to "single" it gives them the green light they were looking for to resume stalking now that you're back on the market. It also lets them know that you might be home alone since your significant other is no longer around. Your best bet is to just leave this blank on your profile.

3. Your Current Location

There are a lot of people who love the location tagging feature on Facebook that allows them to let people know where they are 24/7. The problem is that you have just told everyone that you're on vacation (and not at your house). If you add how long your trip is then thieves know exactly how much time they have to rob you. My advice is not to provide your location at all. You can always upload your vacation pictures when you get home or text your friends to let them know how jealous they should be that you're sipping an umbrella drink while they toil away at work.

4. The Fact That You Are Home Alone

It is extremely important that parents make sure their children never put the fact that they are home alone in their status. Again, you wouldn’t walk into a room of strangers and tell them you are going to be all alone at your house so don’t do it on Facebook either.

We may think that only our friends have access to our status, but we really have no idea who is reading it. Your friend may have had their account hacked or someone could be reading over their shoulder at the library. The best rule of thumb is not to put anything in your profile or status that you wouldn’t want a stranger to know. You may have the most stringent privacy settings possible, but if your friend’s account gets compromised than those settings go out the window.

5. Pictures of Your Kids Tagged With Their Names

We love our kids. We would do anything to keep them safe, but most people post hundreds of tagged pictures and videos of their kids to Facebook without even giving it a second thought. We even go so far as to replace our profile pictures with that of our children.

Probably 9 out of 10 parents posted their child’s full name, and exact date and time of birth while they were still in the hospital after delivery. We post pictures of our kids and tag them and their friends, siblings, and other relatives. This kind of information could be used by predators to lure your child. They could use your child’s name and the names of their relatives and friends to build trust and convince them that they are not really a stranger because they know detailed information that allows them to build a rapport with your child.

If you must post pictures of your children then you should at least remove personally identifying information such as their full names and birth dates. Untag them in pictures. Your real friends know their names anyway.

I would be a hypocrite if I said that I have completely removed all tagged pictures of my kids on facebook. It is a daunting task given the amount of pictures that we take as proud parents, but I have started on it and I'll do a little bit each day until it's finished.

Lastly, think twice before you tag pictures of the children of friends and relatives. They might not want you tagging their kids for the reasons mentioned above. You can send them a link to the pictures and they can tag themselves in place of their children if they want to. ( about.com )

PETA's Controversial New Super Bowl Ad (VIDEO/NSFW)

2011-02-01T16:55:00.002+07:00

The Huffington Post First Posted: 01/31/11 01:28 PM Updated: 01/31/11 08:53 PM

PETA's Controversial New Super Bowl Ad (VIDEO/NSFW) - PETA seems to have a habit of outrageous Super Bowl ads that don't exactly thrill major networks.

This year's version doesn't seem to disappoint. While last year's "Veggie Love" was declined by NBC despite a $3 million offer, this year's ad is a compilation of "outakes" from the audition for the 2010 ad. There's plenty of risque vegetable love to come.

Whether or not this ad will actually make it to television remains to be seen.

Check out PETA's past ads here, from Buzzfeed.

WARNING: The video below may not be appropriate to view in all settings, and features somewhat undressed women playing with vegetables.

Come on girls ... Top facts and tips

2010-10-08T21:05:00.005+07:00

Come on girls ... Top facts and tips - O my goodness. Could you really reach that special place without so much as touching yourself? Yes, yes,yes!

Bonk boffins this week announced the results of a scientific study that suggests women can reach orgasm just by thinking naughty thoughts.

Come on girls ... orgasm tips

The pleasure centres of the brain associated with orgasm light up in women who have sexy images in their minds in exactly the same way as women who orgasm through touching.

So what better excuse to take a more in-depth look at the female orgasm, than this knee-trembling news?

From the number of minutes needed for a bed-shaking experience to the ancient Greek's strange orgasmic theories, read on for some frisky facts and sexpert Susan Quilliam's hand-to-your-man guide on hitting the big O every time.

Some researchers believe that having an orgasm during sex increases the chance of conception. The theory: Oxytocin, a hormone released in peak levels during orgasm, causes uterine contractions that coax sperm toward the egg.

Women need about 20 minutes of clitoral or G-spot stimulation to hit orgasm, say experts.

An estimated 24 to 37 percent of women can't climax.

The G-spot orgasm really is different. In 2008, an Italian research team solved the mystery after they found anatomical differences between women who could have G-spot orgasms and women who couldn't and have since been teaching women how to find theirs.

Cognitive behavioural therapy, testosterone treatments, the herb ginkgo biloba, and the nutritional supplement ArginMax (which includes Korean ginseng, ginkgo biloba, vitamins, minerals, and an amino acid) have been shown to improve sexual satisfaction in women.

Orgasms are good for your health. Studies show that orgasm can reduce sensitivity to pain, relieve menstrual cramps, and alleviate stress - possibly due to a surge in oxytocin and dopamine.

From ancient Greece to Freud's time, doctors used orgasms in women to treat the female ailment they called hysteria. In the late 1800s, the vibrator was designed for the same purpose.

O dear ... Marilyn Monroe struggled to get there

It's often suggested that people can't think straight when they have sex on their minds, and a brain scanning study showed that many areas of women's brains were deactivated during orgasm, including those involved in emotion.

Cramps, mood swings and generally feeling sluggish are not the best recipe for a hot night in (not to mention the practicalities of the whole thing) but during our periods could be the best time to really go for it. The reason orgasms are better during this time, is the increase in blood circulation around the groin area.

Marilyn Monroe claimed she never achieved orgasm by any of her famous lovers (John F. Kennedy, Frank Sinatra, Joe DiMaggio).

Many women are capable of multiple orgasms. The most female orgasms recorded by doctors William Hartman and Marilyn Fithian were 134 within a single hour. That is a little over two orgasms per minute.

Orgasms are believed to be an evolutionary function of nature. In 1967, Desmond Morris wrote The Naked Ape. The book looked at the female orgasm, suggesting its purpose was to not only encourage interest in sexual activity, but promote exhaustion to encourage her to remain in the horizontal position (preventing sperm from leaking out). He also suggested women's difficulty in attaining orgasm with men, was in fact a form of natural selection. ( thesun.co.uk )

Are you addicted to cosmetics?

2010-07-28T19:14:00.002+07:00

Are you addicted to cosmetics? - For some people, a poor self-image can translate into an unhealthy relationship with beauty products.

Are there multiple shampoos in your shower caddy? Old face creams gathering dust in your cabinet? Have you been accused of having a bathroom that looks like a Sephora store?

Most important, does any of this make you a "cosmoholic"? Yes, there is such a thing as "too much," and it's a fine line between the mildly messy makeup lover and someone psychologically addicted to beauty products.

Compulsive buying is spending beyond your means, whether that's $150 or $10,000, says Dr. Renae Reinardy. (Kirk McKoy / Los Angeles Times)

Organizing pro Linda Koopersmith, author of "The Beverly Hills Organizer's Home Organizing Bible: A Pro's Answers to Your Organizing Prayers," has tackled bathroom and cosmetic organizing projects for more than 20 years and run into some serious hoarders. "I had a client who was a self-professed 'cosmoholic,'" Koopersmith says. "She filled over 40 tubs with cosmetics and stored them even though their shelf life has long passed. I actually moved her cosmetics out of a storage unit that she paid $260 a month for over five years and put them in garage cabinets. She refused to let any of it go. … She literally spent herself out of her fortune. Literally bankrupted herself."

Hoarding is the acquisition of and inability to discard items even if they're worthless, hazardous or unsanitary. Dr. Renae Reinardy, who founded the Lakeside Center for Behavioral Change in Minnesota, says that hoarding beauty products can be fed by several different disorders and that people with this issue usually hoard all beauty products — make-up, shampoos, creams — regardless of type.

"The million-dollar question is 'What is the function of the hoarding behavior?' because that's going to determine what kind of help people need," Reinardy says. "I would look to see what's fueling the fire to buy those cosmetics." Psychological conditions such as body dysmorphic disorder, compulsive acquisition/spending, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety or depression can all be part of the problem, she says. A therapist has to do a full diagnostic interview to determine the root of the dysfunction.

But Reinardy does list indicators. "If it's something that's, 'Oh, I'm not going to be pretty unless I have these things,' and it's really a firmly held belief that causes a lot of anxiety, then I would definitely look more into body dysmorphic disorder," she says. In women, this condition has two very common symptoms, she says: obsession with the nose or pore size.

"I had a client who spent $10,000 on face cream trying to minimize her pores," Reinardy says. "When we're so desperate to look a certain way, and when we rely on that for our well being, people will do whatever they need to do, especially if there's body dysmorphic disorder. Finances and space issues go out of the window if we put all of our happiness on whatever feature that we're trying to chase after."

When it comes to compulsive acquisition and spending, Reinardy says that what constitutes crossing the line is different for each individual. In essence, it's about spending beyond your means. "It can be about a $10,000 purchase or a $150 purchase of perfume," she says. "If you're saying, 'I was just out shopping and I love Macy's and this was on sale so I bought it,' that's going to look more like compulsive acquisition."

If cosmetics hoarding is related to obsessive-compulsive disorder or depression, there is likely to be hoarding in other areas of the person's life too. "I look at my cosmetic drawer, and do I have more cosmetics than I use? Creams that I can't let go of? Absolutely," Reinardy says. "The difference is when you're not able to use the space in your home that it was meant for. So if my entire bathroom is full of cosmetic products so that I can't use the shower, sink or toilet anymore, it's a sign that it's out of hand."

Dorothy Breininger, founder of Delphi Center for Organization and a producer of the A&E television show "Hoarders," says that most people who handle cosmetics responsibly will clean them out once a year for sanitary reasons. "Cleansers and moisturizers tend to have fatty acids in them so they go rancid in about six months, so that's the reason we want to change those out, and mascara is just a breeding ground for bacteria, so that's usually a three-month turnaround," Breininger says.

But in her line of work, she frequently sees cosmetics hoarders who ignore all that. Sometimes the cosmetics represent a time of life the woman doesn't want to let go of. "We all turn to cosmetics to change our appearance and give us the feeling of being more beautiful .…Young gals who are 16, 17 buy a lot of makeup because they're experimenting," she says. "But a lot of these women that I'm working with have loads and loads of makeup from when they once were in the theater or leaving the house for work and doing a particular job and now they're not, for example. So they're kind of holding on to cosmetics thinking that they can go back to that life or re-create it again."

Reinardy says that hiring a professional organizer might help but warns: "It may clean the house, but it won't change the behavior. Cleaning alone does not fix the problem; you have to get to the underlying issue."

Friends and loved ones need to be cautious in offering help, Breininger says. "Never, ever, ever say that 'you've got to throw this away' because all that you do is raise their defenses, and they'll want to hang on to their beauty products even more so. What you want to be asking is 'Look, you have a lot of stuff here, and it looks important to you or you wouldn't have it, so can I help you decide what is the most important to you?' You are on their side."

When Breininger works with clients, the first thing she does is sort like with like, "so all shampoo with shampoo, mascara goes with mascara, lipstick with lipstick. Before we go any further we ask criteria for what can be thrown away. 'Do you want to keep what's discolored, half-full, in broken containers, is no longer in style or throw them away?' Let them set the criteria. Once they've decided three or four criteria then that's how you go through, say, 119 lipsticks." ( latimes.com )

10 tips for a first date

2010-07-26T19:33:00.002+07:00

10 tips for a first date -The Inside Out Dating Guide: In a new monthly series, our relationships expert, Sarah Abell looks at issues to do with dating and offers her practical advice. In the second of the Inside Out Dating Guides she looks at what to do and what not to do on a first date.

A first date is loaded with expectancy – will she/he like me and will I like them? Is this person going to be the “One” or will I want to run for the hills before the starter? Will I do or say the right thing or will I totally embarrass myself? Will we get physical and if so, will there be any chemistry between us? Will we have anything to talk about and if not, how will we get through the evening?

It is definitely possible to think too much about a first date. The key is to relax, enjoy yourself and not to analyse everything too much. Regardless of whether you hit it off, wouldn’t it be great if you could both say that you had a good experience? So, how can you make sure that your first date is the best it can be (even if it turns out to be your only date together)? Here are some suggestions on what to do and what not to do.

Things to do:

1. Chose the venue carefully

If you are doing the choosing, pick somewhere that you know your date will like. Just because you fancy the idea of eating a snake banquet, it doesn’t mean that they will.

A drink in a quiet bar, a quick supper or lunch in a little place you know are great ideas. The advantage of keeping the first date short and simple is that if you don’t like each other, you haven’t got to make it through a seven-course meal together. If you do like each other, you can either extend the date, or plan a longer one for next time. It is always better to leave wanting more.

Try and avoid very noisy places (where you can’t hear each other), cinemas (where you can’t talk), sporting events (unless you know for a fact that they are interested), or your home (because it could be risky if you don’t know them).

If you already know the person and are pretty certain that you both like each other then by all means go for the big romantic gesture. But remember it is possible to overdo things. My husband turned up for our second date with a bottle of wine, flowers and a box of chocolate biscuits, but soon realised he only had two hands and decided to leave the biscuits in the car!

2. Make an effort

Do put your best food forward. Make an effort with your appearance - but not so much of an effort that your date wouldn’t recognise you if they bumped into you in the street the next day.

Making an effort shows that you care and that you want to make a good impression. Unwashed hair, bad hygiene and yesterday’s clothes aren’t likely to win anyone over.

And don’t overdue the alcohol – especially if you have a tendency to become boorish, rude, indiscreet, lecherous, violent or sick when intoxicated.

3. Be kind

Whether you are attracted to the person or not – be kind. It doesn’t cost you anything, and it will make a big difference to the other person’s enjoyment of the date.

I have two American friends, Jack and Susan. Early on in their relationship Jack said something like this to Susan: ‘I don’t know if we’ll get married in the future but I want to treat you so well that if we split up one day and you end up marrying someone else – I would be able to look the other guy in the eye, shake his hand and say: “Here is Susan, I looked after her for you.”’ They did end up marrying each other but I thought that was an amazing thing to say. I’m not suggesting you say that on the first date. But wouldn’t it be fantastic if people were better off in life from having spent time with you, not worse off? That means being kind and considerate and treating your date as you would like to be treated yourself.

Being kind also means not lying or giving false hope. Don’t tell someone that you will phone and that you can’t wait to see them again, if you have no intention of following through.

4. Leave your emotional baggage at home

If you have a huge line in exes, a past addiction to therapy and you still can’t forgive your Dad for missing your sports' day when you were five, keep it to yourself on your first date. Too much emotional baggage, too soon, is never attractive. If you end up in a relationship – you’ll have plenty of opportunity to air your past sexual history, your hang-ups and all your past regrets and mistakes.

A first date, like a first interview, is the time to emphasise your best points not to draw attention to your weaknesses.

However, if your date asks you a direct question, such as, “Have you ever been married?” (or even “Are you married?”) then of course give the true answer.

5. Be yourself

Let the other person see the real you. A first date is not the time to try out being the person you’d like to be, or the person you think your date would like you to be. After all, you don’t want them falling in love with a false version of you. You want someone who likes you for all you are, with your good bits, your not so good bits, your little quirky bits and all the things in between that make you, you.

Things not to do:

6. Don’t dominate the conversation

If you do all the talking – especially about yourself – it will give the impression that you aren’t interested in your date. The other person will feel flattered and special if you take the time to listen to them, ask them questions and draw them out.

I’m not suggesting that you don’t talk about yourself. It is important that the other person has a chance to learn about you, but try and make sure that you are listening as much - or more - than you are talking.

7. Don’t forget your manners

Bad manners aren’t attractive and are likely to irritate your date. Make sure you turn up on time and if you are going to be late for any reason, let them know. Turn off your phone (or put it on silent if you are expecting an urgent call) and remember to say “thank you” if the other person is footing the bill.

You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat the waiters or waitresses and how they react if things don’t go their way in a traffic jam or a queue. So don’t just be polite to your date, be kind to other people too. It will reflect well on you.

8. Don’t pretend to be anything you’re not

In an attempt to impress, it can be tempting to exaggerate, dress up the truth or just plain lie. You may get away with that if you don’t see them again after the first date but if the relationship does last any longer, you may find yourself in a tricky situation later down the line.

So, if you are separated, don’t say you are divorced. If you hate football don’t say that you can’t think of a better way to spend a Saturday afternoon, than cheering on Bristol City. And if you work part-time in a call centre – don’t say you’re something big in communications. Stick with the truth and it will be a lot easier to remember what you said on future dates.

9. Don’t make an instant judgement

Many of us make up our minds as to whether we like someone in the first few seconds or minutes of meeting. But our first impressions can be misleading. Try not to rule people out straight away. Instead, spend some time getting to know them. If you’re not sure about someone, it may take two or three dates before you can really decide.

Try not to be too quick to judge or too fussy or rigid about what you are looking for in a potential partner. I nearly ditched my gorgeous husband on the second date because he was wearing a tight polyester sports top and I’m not a great fan of man-made fibres (apparently I wasn’t meant to see it, but he got too hot under his thick jumper). If you get too restrictive about what you are looking for or if you make up your mind about someone too quickly – you will risk missing out.

10. Don’t rush things

Take time to get to know the other person before getting too emotionally or physically involved with them. Sex is a powerful bonder and if you sleep together on the first date it may blind you to any fundamental problems between you. It helps if you can establish that there’s more to the relationship than just chemistry before ripping off each other’s clothes. We all know people who have had a passionate affair with someone only to “wake up” two months later and realise that they don’t even like the person and that they have nothing in common with them.

Equally, don’t get too emotionally involved too quickly. Saying “I love you” on the first date isn’t romantic – it’s a bit creepy (unless you’ve known them a long time).

If you are reading this and have a story of a first date or any tips on what to do or not on the first meeting, please do include them in the comments section below. It would be great to hear about your experiences. ( telegraph.co.uk )

Love and Relationships

2010-07-23T21:37:00.000+07:00

Love and Relationships - Are you in a committed healthy romantic relationship that’s very good for not only you, but equally for the person you love. Love and relationships are to become made for ever, not only a few days. Take a look into getting your life much more enjoyable and purposeful by realizing how to act when it comes to those you care most for.

Love and Relationships

The greatest thing to do in a romantic relationship is to care for the other person´s needs ahead of your own. Being selfless is the core of what love is all about. If you’re having issues with selfishness you need to deal with them successfully ahead of coming into a marriage or other serious personal relationship. Why pull another individual into your issues? In the event you really desire to help them, you’ll need to put them before yourself. This suggests sacrifice. Selfish individuals aren’t prepared to make sacrifices for other people. If you’re this way, save the individual you claim to adore the painfulness of finding out.

An additional significant factor of love and relationships will be the neglected virtue of commitment. Society tends to make it difficult for a guy and a lady to maintain the dedication of holy matrimony. Within the United states of america one is actually compelled to fork out much more taxes should you be married than should you just stay together. But what does “staying together” tell society? It tells the world you desire the pleasures and advantages of matrimony with no dedication. Again, this really is selfish. Don’t forget; love isn’t self-centered. Do the right thing. In case you genuinely would like to live for a partner, make an open public commitment of holy matrimony and get the advantages of a clear conscience as well.

For anyone who is seeking to become married to end your being lonely, this is a self-centered reason. Are you going into a marriage to help make yourself happier? How many individuals are doing this very thing and rendering their lives and the lives of others unpleasant during the process? Love and relationships are created to be mutually satisfying to both persons. If one side starts to have unrealistic expectations, it could be a ticking time bomb of feelings. What will happen when both parties have unrealistic expectations? This really is a formula for failure. When coming into critical personal romantic relationships, it can be very good to have wide open communication channels. You ought to discuss all the expectations you might have plus the other half must do likewise. The word “all” is emphasized in that previous sentence. Money, sex, the long term, kids and any other important topic should be brought out in to the discussion and frankly pointed out. Getting transparent and sincere may be the greatest policy in romance.

Love and relationships are to be held in high esteem when they’re seen within the bonds of marriage. This partnership will be the bonding fabric of humankind. In case you mess it up, you aren’t doing anybody a favour. About three of five marriages in the Usa are faltering, according to available data. Do not be a contributor of this break down of the social structure.

In case you are not one to keep your word, especially in marriage, it’s best to keep out of the romantic relationship. Get your life in order. Grow to be the person that others can model their existence around. Later on, enter into a meaningful romantic relationship that makes the other person the object of importance. Be selfless and become happy. ( mierue.com )

Is a woman really at her most attractive at 31?

2010-07-20T18:29:00.001+07:00

Is a woman really at her most attractive at 31? - As a survey announces that women are at their most attractive at 31, Bryony Gordon presents the alternative ages of woman.

Age is nothing but a number. So said somebody who was clearly deluded, 18 years old, or a man. Because all women know that age is not just a number - it defines us, shapes us, influences what we do, how we do it, and whom we do it with. Whether we like it or not, the date that we were born marks us out until the day that we die.

I mention this because the results of a survey published yesterday claim that a woman is at her most attractive when she is 31. This should be wonderful news for... well, for all women born in 1979 and 1980, who can rejoice in the realisation that they are - or are about to be - at their peak. And yet, as one of these women, I find this 'news’ particularly ridiculous.

How can anyone presume to tell an entire gender when they will be at their most alluring? Furthermore, why do you never see a survey in which women are asked when men are at their most alluring? (The answer? There is no answer. One female’s toy boy is another female’s silver fox). Measuring appeal is as exact a science as guessing the number of sweets in a jar at the fairground.

In 2008, for example, we learnt that women are sexiest at the age of 34, but that we enjoy sex more when we are middle-aged. This is in contrast to a survey last year, which stated that women actually had the best sex when we are 28 - also the age that we begin to worry about wrinkles - while at 30 we feel the most satisfied with our careers, and at 32, our home and family life. The same survey 'found’ that we are happiest at 28, though another one claimed that we are most content between the ages of 50 and 60.

It’s enough to make you weep (which, according to one survey, we will spend 16 months of our lives doing). With this in mind, the Telegraph presents an alternative guide to the ages of woman.

Most irritating - 17-years-old

No, you can’t wear that skirt. Yes, you will meet another boy you love as much as Steve. No, please don’t drop out of school and run away. And don’t slam your bedroom door like that - you’ll disturb the whole street. I know you didn’t ask to be born but you were. And shut up about bloody Steve.

Most impoverished - 27

You thought your teens were bad? Ha! Welcome to your 20s, during which time you will struggle to get a job, live in a bedsit, exist on spaghetti and toast, and covet Topshop clothes you cannot afford. You will realise your memories of Steve have been trampled on by that of James, Dave, Sam and Richard, not to mention Mark.

Most desperate - 37

At this point, your fertility has dropped off a cliff. Even if you don’t want children, your friends and family will start asking why you don’t have them. You will start buying peonies and taking long walks, in an effort to convince yourself that your life has meaning. You may even visit an Ashram in India, though I reckon two weeks in Ibiza should probably do it (go on! It’s your last chance!)

Best dressed - 42

Women in their forties are generally rich, sexy and effortlessly elegant, thanks to two decades of dressing for work. The forties is the 'just right’ decade - not too young, not too old, just the right amount of confidence. Can’t wait.

Most divorced/likely to have a meltdown - 50

After the salad days of the forties, comes the age at which you decide/pray your husband is having an affair. This will then be followed by a breakdown. But that’s ok. You’re most likely to have a rebirth at the age of 59.

Least likely to give a toss - 64

You will get a t-shirt made up that says '64 AND STILL UP FOR MORE’. You will probably start swearing, and rediscover weed. You might possibly get into naturism.

Best at gardening - 72

Research has conclusively proved that if you want a bed of prize roses, you should just relax and wait until your seventies, when you will suddenly develop green fingers - that’s if you’re no longer working, which looks unlikely given the current government.

Most sex - 86

At this stage, lying down is a good thing. Plus, you really don’t care that it only lasts 30 seconds. ( telegraph.co.uk )

New York Is Not Just Hot, but Parched

2010-07-19T20:33:00.002+07:00

New York Is Not Just Hot, but Parched. They are the casualties in a profoundly parched region: the yellowed lawns; the scorched median strips on highways from Westhampton, N.Y., to West Orange, N.J.; and the orangy brown tree on the island in the lake in Central Park.

Don’t worry, says the Central Park Conservancy. The tree is not dead.

Sunbathers in McCarren Park in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, kept blankets or towels between their skin and the lawn Friday

Officials at the Central Park Conservancy say the orangy tree on the island in the lake at Central Park is not dead

Brown leaves as dry as parchment littered the ground on Sunday after falling from rain-deprived trees in Brooklyn

After a week that was hot and mostly dry, New York sweltered through a weekend that felt even hotter than it was, because of high humidity. It was a time when many people finally faced the sizzling realities of midsummer. Weekend Lance Armstrongs shortened their rides and drank their water bottles dry. Picnickers searched for the shadiest spots to unfurl their tablecloths. Gardeners watered what they could, when they could.

“My lawn looks like hay,” said Judy Levy of Harrison, N.Y., adding that she was concentrating on saving her vegetable garden.

If 2009 was the summer with no days above 90 degrees, 2010 is the summer of few days below 60 — only five in June and three in July. And rain?

“This isn’t really a super-dry spell; it only seems like it because of the heat,” said Steven Fybish, a New York weather historian.

Still, last month was the driest June since 1999, Mr. Fybish said. And June 1999 was a very dry June that was followed by a very dry July, he said. By coincidence, this year, the two days in early July when the temperature climbed past 100 degrees were the first such consecutive days since — you guessed it — July 1999.

July 1999 also made the record books as the hottest of all months, with an average temperature of 81.4 degrees. The average temperature this month has also been also 81.4, through Saturday, according to the National Weather Service.

So in this possible record-setting month of heat, to water or not to water: that is the question. This is the time of year when water consumption usually rises. So does evaporation. But there has not been much rain lately.

The city’s Department of Environmental Protection said the reservoirs were lower than usual for this time of year: 86.4 percent of their capacity as of Friday, compared with the normal level for mid-July, 93.4 percent. “It’s certainly something we’re monitoring,” said Farrell Sklerov, a spokesman for the department, “but no, we’re not at a point where we have to implement conservation measures.”

So last week the city’s parks commissioner urged people to water the trees on the streets. The parks department issued a press release that said trees needed 15 to 20 gallons of water once a week. “That’s three to four large buckets,” it said, offering how-to advice: “Poke small holes at the bottom of a large trash can. Fill it with 15 to 20 gallons of water and leave the trash can next to the tree overnight.”

Beyond the five boroughs, some towns have imposed water restrictions. The result is brownish lawn next to brownish lawn, as David Reardon of Glen Ridge, N.J., knows only too well. “If mine was the only brown lawn, I would be concerned,” he said. “But now you don’t want to be the only green guy on the street.”

But John Reid of Ridgewood, N.J., found a way to keep his lawn looking good enough to be in a grass-seed ad. He said that his lawn had a sheet of plastic a foot beneath the surface. That holds the water where the roots are.

The lawn liner is not his only secret: He has let the grass grow a bit longer, though not so long as to look unkempt. The idea is to keep it from drying out.

Landscapers and horticulturists say stiff, brown grass will perk up with steady rain and less heat.

Joe Manuella of Glen Rock, N.J., had no doubt that was true.

“We’ve never had a desert in New Jersey,” he said.

More than many of his neighbors, Mr. Manuella can afford to take the attitude: What, me worry? “Most of my flowers,” he said, “are plastic.”

In some places, the water rules have less to do with the lack of rain than with earthbound problems. Scarsdale, in Westchester County, imposed restrictions several weeks ago after residents living at the tops of hilly streets complained of water pressure that was too low.

Melissa Chepuru said that some mornings her toilets did not flush and her shower heads produced only a trickle. She learned, after complaining to local officials, that automatic sprinkler systems that came on during the night left the water pressure so low around town that there was no oomph to push the water to her house.

Jim Macri, the water superintendent, said Scarsdale had announced a rule that lawns could be watered only two days a week. He said it was not because of the lack of rain, but because of repairs to one of Scarsdale’s two pumping stations. He said the situation had led to exactly what Ms. Chepuru described. Between 1 a.m. and 9 a.m., when scores of automatic sprinklers were programmed to turn on, the water pressure dropped.

“When we can’t use our bathrooms because our neighbors want to try, in a drought, to have green lawns,” Ms. Chepuru said, “it’s a little bit infuriating.”

Reporting was contributed by Andrew Boryga, Paige Jeffries, Angela Macropoulos and Nate Schweber. ( nytimes.com )

Spy Anna British sleep cell probe

2010-07-05T16:54:00.004+07:00

Spy Anna British sleep cell probe. MI5 chiefs were last night stepping up an urgent probe to discover whether Russian spy suspect Anna Chapman recruited a "sleeper cell" in Britain.

Chapman's network of friends and business associates are being investigated to see if the temptress recruited them as sub-agents.

Investigation ... Anna Chapman

MI5 are also investigating whether she had links to agents working undercover at the Russian Embassy in London.

Intelligence chiefs believe there could be 35 agents at the embassy - half the diplomatic staff - plus at least another 20 Russian spies in the UK who do not have diplomatic cover but live normal lives.

MI5 swung into action after US authorities charged Chapman and nine others with spying for Russia in a "deep-cover" operation.

Pal ... Oleg Gordievsky

Chapman's ex-husband Alex believes she may have been recruited while living in London.

Her friend Oleg Gordievsky - a former KGB officer who defected to Britain - believes she was "groomed" by a Russian diplomat.

Chapman, 28, spent five years living in Britain, during which time she became a British citizen.

Part of the MI5 probe focuses on Chapman's links to controversial businessman Ken Sharpe.

She is said to have moved millions of pounds between Britain and Zimbabwe - raising fears the money was used for spy operations - while working with Sharpe.

Alex said his ex-wife's dad Vasily Kushchenko - who has been accused of working for the KGB - introduced her to Sharpe, whose businesses include a factory exporting vodka bottles to Russia.

Artist Alex, 30, from Bournemouth, Dorset, spent five hours being interviewed by MI5.

He was grilled about his ex-wife's dad, and said: "The officer wasn't interested in what Anna is accused of in America, but whether she could have been spying in London."

Russian spies are just as active in Britain now as they were during the Cold War, ex-MI5 chief Dame Stella Rimington believes.

She said: "Russia still has a very large, well-resourced intelligence community, every bit as active as the KGB was. Espionage can pose serious dangers to Britain's economic and security interests."

Ex-US agent Boris Korczak says there are "several thousand" Russian spies in America.

He said: "Out of 1,000 spies, one or two will perform. The Russians are very patient and will wait 15, 20 years."

Temptress ... Anna Chapman is feared to have recruited more spies

( The Sun )

The Edge, Stevie Wonder light up 'magic' Glastonbury

2010-06-28T19:10:00.002+07:00

The Edge, Stevie Wonder light up 'magic' Glastonbury. Stevie Wonder was set to close Glastonbury's 40th birthday celebrations Sunday after a sun-drenched weekend of music described by festival founder Michael Eavis as "total magic".

Surprise performances from Kylie and U2 guitarist "The Edge", who joined Muse on Saturday night, were to be followed by a headline act from soul icon Wonder on the final day, which once again sweltered in glorious sunshine.

The Edge, Stevie Wonder light up 'magic' Glastonbury

"I've just had the best night of my life," said Eavis, a dairy farmer who has held the festival on his Somerset farm, southwest England, for 40 years. "I've never seen anything so splendid in all my life, it was total magic."

He added: "I'm 74 and was up until four o'clock this morning but I don't feel tired. I'm really proud of what we've created."

On Saturday night fans were treated to surprise appearances by Aussie pop princess Kylie Minogue and also by "The Edge", who joined headline act Muse on the main Pyramid Stage for the classic U2 song "Where The Streets Have No Name."

Rock megastars U2 were meant to play on Friday but the Irish band had to pull out due to singer Bono's back injury.

The party atmosphere was marred slightly Sunday, however, after England crashed out of the World Cup football finals in a 4-1 defeat against arch-rivals Germany.

Almost half of those attending the festival watched the match on big screens in two fields, and the disappointing result left many feeling deflated.

"I can't believe they get paid so much yet they were outclassed by kids from Germany," said 46-year-old Katy.

Many revellers had been on site for over four days -- the gates opened Wednesday -- and by Sunday the sunshine, sambuca and Shangri-La late night activities began to show with many campers looking worse for wear.

Shangri-La is one of the many "neighbourhoods" which have been constructed in the 170,000-populated temporary city, all offering a different hedonistic or spiritual experience.

After the official music ended late Saturday night, many of the crowd headed to the site's far reaches where the "Block 9," "Arcadia" and "Unfair Ground" areas offered a surreal and debauched party environment.

Within Shangri-La, pleasure seekers were injected in the mouth by nurses administering tequila, treated to spas inside "Slumbarave", a pillow-fighting nightclub, and invited to trawl the temporary town's seedy alleyways.

Next door, the "Block 9" neighbourhood was constructed to look like a post-apocalyptic New York City with subway trains and smoking yellow taxis embedded half-way up huge edifices.

And once revellers finally made it to bed, there was little rest as the searing sunshine made the tents furnace-like by nine o'clock in the morning, and unbearable for all but the most desperate for sleep.

There were few complaints about the sun, however, which rendered useless the wellies that have been the staple footwear at Glastonbury ever since epic rainstorms in the late 1990s and a storm in 2005 which washed away 300 tents.

But 2,955 people had been treated by the festival medical team by Sunday afternoon, most of them for sun stroke. Two people also died after suffering heart attacks on Friday night.

In addition, 112 arrests had been made, most of them for drugs offences.

After Stevie Wonder's set, the tent city will quickly disappear, the cows will return from their enforced vacation and the guests return to normality.

Eavis's assertion after every festival that it has been the best ever, despite the conditions, has become a running Glastonbury joke, but there did not appear to be many who disagreed with him this year. ( msn.com )

In town to make friends

2010-06-24T22:21:00.002+07:00

In town to make friends. The wealthiest 26-year-old in the world has been in London with some of his senior colleagues, trying to extend the hand of friendship. Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, dropped in on David Cameron in Downing Street, then went to meet a gathering of developers, and the odd journalist, at a "developer garage".

So what did we learn? Well first of all, when a young guy in a hoodie and trainers from a company that did not exist six years ago can get access to a prime minister when he drops into town, that's a sign of how rapidly the world is changing. Neither side was saying much about the visit - though the Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt did tweet about it - except that it was about how government can use the internet more to engage with the public.

During the election campaign the Conservatives were enthusiastic users of Facebook, so perhaps we will now see the coalition government making the Budget a Facebook event to which we're all invited - or putting a "Like" button on the Inland Revenue's website.

And the main message that Mark Zuckerberg and his colleagues gave to the developers they met at the Barbican was that this process of taking what the firm calls its social graph right across the web was moving ahead at a pace. Over 300,000 sites have now installed social plug-ins, integrating their users' activities with their Facebook lives, since they were launched in April.

Examples on display at the event included Playfish, the casual games developer which now lets users play games like Fifa Superstars through Facebook, the BBC's new iPlayer which encourages users to tell friends about favourite programmes, and the music-streaming service Spotify, which allows its users to share playlists with their Facebook friends.

Incidentally, Mark Zuckerberg mentioned in his brief address to the developers that he was a big fan of Spotify, which is interesting as the firm has not yet launched in the United States - they're obviously preparing the way with accounts for VIPs.

So a vision was painted of a world brought together by Facebook, to the benefit of users and developers.

In a speech peppered with "awesomes" Mark Zuckerberg told us,"every year that goes by there's just more and more ways of getting information and the world just keeps getting better and better. So it's a really exciting time to be developing."

What we heard little or nothing about was how this added up as a business - for the developers or for Facebook - and you might have thought that everyone was there just to spread the message of peace, love and sharing. The answer is of course that the more "sticky" the social network can be made for users through the exploitation of this social graph, the easier it will be to sell advertising.
What also seemed clear was that Mark Zuckerberg was far more comfortable talking to a crowd of young developers than he would be presenting his company to investment analysts or financial journalists. If Facebook's future includes a stock-market flotation, then he might find he needs to hire someone older, greyer and less likely to wear trainers, to talk balance sheets while he concentrates on the geeky stuff.( bbc.co.uk )

Women 'more likely to give men numbers if they have been listening to love songs'

2010-06-23T17:40:00.002+07:00

Women 'more likely to give men numbers if they have been listening to love songs'. Music is the key to a woman's heart, after research showed that they are more likely to give men their phone numbers if romantic songs are playing in the background.

Scientists believe that romantic lyrics may 'prime' people's behaviour

In tests by French psychologists, an "average-looking man" was challenged to get as many single women as possible to hand over their numbers and go for a drink.

If his potential dates had been listening to romantic lyrics beforehand, his chances of success were doubled.

For the tests, experts from the University of southern Brittany and the University of southern Paris selected 87 female volunteers aged 18 to 20.

They each spent five minutes in a waiting room while one of two carefully selected tunes played in the background. They heard either a romantic ballad – Je L'aime a Mourir (I Love Her to Death) by Francis Cabrel, or L'heure du The (Time For Tea) by Vincent Delerm which was classed as neutral.

Next, thinking they were taking part in a consumer survey, they were taken to a different room and asked to discuss the difference between two types of biscuit with the 20-year-old man.

At the end of the discussion, he would use the same chat-up line with each one: "My name is Antoine, as you know. I think you are very nice and I was wondering if you would give me your phone number. I'll phone you later and we can have a drink together somewhere next week."

Each time after making his pitch, Antoine was instructed "to gaze and smile at the participant" while she considered her answer.

Only 27.9 per cent of the women who heard the neutral music agreed to Antoine's proposal. But those who were exposed to the love song were much easier to win over – 52.2 per cent of that group offered their details.

The research appears to back up theory that any man making romantic overtures should be careful to when choosing music "back at his place."

The scientists, who published the results in the journal Psychology of Music, believe that romantic lyrics may "prime" people's behaviour.

"It was found that women previously exposed to romantic lyrics complied with the request more readily than women exposed to the neutral ones. The difference was significant. If you're having trouble getting a date, picking the right soundtrack could improve the odds," they said

One of the researchers, Nicolas Gueguen, wrote, "The results are interesting for scientists who work on the effect of background music on individuals' behaviour."

It is not just women who fall under the spell of love songs. Previous work by the same team found that men spent more money in florists when romantic music was being played. ( telegraph.co.uk )

Family life 'squeezed into 49 minutes a day'

2010-05-25T19:26:00.002+07:00

Family life 'squeezed into 49 minutes a day' Families are spending less than an hour together every day amid fears over a squeeze on household finances

Average parents spend just 49 minutes with their children, figures show, as a lack of cash is identified as the biggest obstacle to a positive family life.

Research suggested that rising numbers of “pound sign parents” only valued activities that cost money – leaving children to themselves at other times.

Pressure to work in the recession has previously been blamed as a barrier to quality family time.

The conclusions come in a survey of 3,000 parents and 1,000 children conducted ahead of National Family Week.

The event – staged next week – has been organised by a series of organisations including the NSPCC, the National Federation of Women's Institutes and the National Literacy Trust to encourage families to spend more time together.

The latest study comes just days after a leading headmaster claimed that parents were fuelling a “must have” culture among children by lavishing them with the latest gadgets and electronic devices.

Graham Gorton, chairman of the Independent Schools Association, said many mothers and fathers believed they were “failing as parents” if they were unable to provide state-of-the-art computer games, televisions and toys for sons and daughters.

According to the latest study, almost one-in-10 families admit to spending no more than two hours together each week.

One-in-five parents and children said they spent between two and four hours in each others’ company.

Some 68 per cent of parents named money as the biggest barrier to spending more time with their family.

“Pound sign parents are blaming money for being the biggest obstacle to positive family life with 36 per cent citing it as having a negative impact on family time,” said the study.

“A third of all parents think quality family time costs money and an astonishing 68 per cent of parents see money as the biggest barrier to spending more time with their family.

“This is rubbing off on their kids with more than a quarter of eight- to 15-year-olds stating money as the most important thing to them, putting cash in front of their health, education, sport or music and, again, family pets luck right out.”

Speaking this month, Mr Gorton said: “Over recent decades we seem to have created a ‘must have’ culture amongst our young people.

“Many see that they may be perceived to be failing as parents if they do not ensure that their children have the latest gadgets and electronic devices along with their peers.

“Many parents also, I suspect, feel pressured to enrol their offspring into every conceivable club or after school activity that is available, including through the weekends.” ( telegraph.co.uk )

Ten Reasons Guys Aren't Approaching You

2010-05-03T14:09:00.003+07:00

Ten Reasons Guys Aren't Approaching You. Recently, at a wedding, I witnessed a dance floor scene with a friend who is an ecologist. In the middle of this dance floor, a girl approached a guy in a pretty provocative way, all the while looking him in the eye.

My ecologist friend, in his Darwinian mindset, jokingly exclaimed: Oh wow, she's presenting!

You don't have to emulate an Animal Planet mating documentary to get a guy approach you when you're out, but body language is important. You have to give a guy an opening, and make yourself available.

I want my approach to appear to be well-timed, and I don't like it when I feel like I'm interrupting. Sometimes the situation lends itself to an approach: there's something extraordinary to talk about, or we just bump into each other. Pay attention to your actions when you're out. If you want guys to approach you, are you making it easy on them-are you available ?

Some girls might want the guy to work as part of the approach; but, for every one of you that make it tough for a guy to approach, there are women who make it easier to approach that a guy might go for instead.

Here are a few things women do, that prevent guys from approaching them:

1. You're Surrounded by Lots (I mean LOTS) of Friends

When girls are in a group, I know that I'm going to be evaluated as soon as I walk away. It's tough enough to walk up to one girl, let alone a group.

2. You're Too Hot

If she's super hot, sometimes I assume I have no chance or I'm just plain intimidated. Most guys will give it the old college try though. This, by the way, is the best reason for your ego why guys aren't approaching: "I'm just so hot I'm intimidating."

3. Getting Too Tipsy

One night, we were out and a girl intermittently stood up on the seat of her booth and did stripper-type dances. The guys in the bar looked, but never approached. It's tough to approach a whirling dervish and no one could take her seriously. And sometimes the "too drunk" girl gets approached by guys who are interested in one thing only.

4. Looking Sloppy

I don't usually approach girls who don't look stylish and put together. Now, if you want to keep guys away from you, doing the celeb in public homeless look might be a good strategy.

5. Downer Demeanor

Smiling and eye contact is inviting, while anger, and looking like you're too good for everyone drives people away. Try to give off positive vibes, and more people will approach.

6. You're With Another Guy In Any Capacity

You appear to be taken if you arrive with guys, or meet guys while you're out. Guys have no way of knowing if you're with a guy. Some guys might ask, but some might just move on to someone who looks more available.

7. You have a Ring

Now I'll admit that I'm clueless, even for a guy. I'm not sure about the wedding ring/engagement rules: which hand/finger gets the ring? I know one has a big diamond, and one looks like a simple ring. But unmarried women wear all sorts of rings. Your ring that looks like a wedding ring might be keeping guys away (or maybe stupid guys like me, which is probably a good thing).

8. You seem Busy

It's easier to approach a girl who looks bored, like she wants someone to talk to. In a caf , if she's reading a book, or has her face in her laptop, I assume she's busy and doesn't want to deal with my stupid pick up attempt. In a bar, if she seems content doing whatever she's doing, I won't want to interrupt.

9. You're Literally Tough To Catch

I've devised strategic plans to make a move, waiting for a girl to go to the bar, or bathroom. But when she finally gets up she walks too fast, or takes bodyguards (tons of friends) with her. Bottom line, some women just don't give that opening physically for the approach. Remember, your migratory patterns might be exactly what that guy is waiting for, so be on the lookout when you're on the move.

10. You're a Wall Flower

If you're in the corner all night, or buried behind chairs and tables, you not only cut yourself off from the rest of the world, but some guys don't want to slalom obstacles to get to you. If you want guys to approach you, you might want to move or try out some other spots.

Do you agree with my list above? What actions do you think deter guys from approaching you? What actions make a guy tough to approach? ( yahoo.com )

How To Send Your Girlfriend Flowers…

2010-04-10T00:28:00.003+07:00

How To Send Your Girlfriend Flowers… without destroying the Earth..My girlfriend is on the verge of kicking me to the curb, so I'd like to smooth things over with my standard apology gift: a dozen long-stemmed roses. But she's on the crunchy side, and I'm worried that cut flowers have become a major environmental no-no among such eco-minded folks. Should I find a greener way to say I'm sorry?

You needn't ditch flowers entirely—what's life without the occasional luxury?—but you ought to pay close attention to your roses' provenance. That suspiciously cheap bouquet being peddled by your local supermarket? There's a good chance its constituent flowers were raised several thousands miles away and regularly doused in toxic pesticides. If you don't want your floral mea culpa to come with a side of enviro-guilt, you're going to have to read the labels—and you may have to shell out some extra coin.

About 70 percent of America's cut flowers are imported, chiefly from Colombia and Ecuador. These two nations became flower-industry heavyweights starting in the early 1990s, thanks to the Andean Trade Preference Act; in order to encourage the development of agricultural alternatives to coca growing, the act eliminated import tariffs on numerous Latin American goods, including flowers. The region surrounding Bogotá, in particular, offers an excellent climate for mass horticulture, as well as relatively cheap labor costs. Once the American tariffs were removed, major growers swooped in to create farms or expand existing ones—among them California-based Dole, now Colombia's leading flower exporter.

Unfortunately, Latin American regulations regarding pesticides tend to be more lax than those in the United States. Numerous nongovernmental organizations, such as the Pesticide Action Network, found that Colombian and Ecuadorian flowers were heavily treated with the likes of aldicarb, which can cause dreadful health problems—especially if it seeps into the local water supply. (Pesticide residues may pose a risk to farm workers, but they are extremely unlikely to harm your girlfriend.) Flowers are also an exceedingly thirsty crop, and the rapid increase in cultivation has sorely taxed Latin American rivers and aquifers.

The flower industry's recklessness started attracting a fair bit of negative press in the late 1990s. Some growers responded by joining certification programs, for which they agree to abide by certain environmental and labor standards in exchange for a label that consumers will ostensibly associate with green cred. In Colombia, for example, more than one-quarter of flower farms are certified by Florverde, which is operated by the industry's domestic trade association; the program boasts that its participants currently use 50 percent less pesticides than a decade ago.

Yet Florverde is nowhere near as green as VeriFlora, which forbids the use of dozens of pesticides that are permissible under Florverde's regime. VeriFlora farms must also commit to moving toward organic growing—a stipulation that many Latin American growers say they can't meet, due to the fragility of their crops and the prevalence of ravenous insects.

Pesticides, of course, aren't the only environmental factor to consider the next time you need to curry favor with your beloved. The importation of flowers from Latin America would seem to result in the emission of appreciable carbon dioxide, due to the fossil fuels that must be expended on transportation. But there's considerable debate as to whether "flower miles" really tip the environmental scales in favor of domestic products—at least those grown in energy-intensive indoor facilities.

Try as he might, the Lantern couldn't find any studies comparing the field-to-market carbon emissions of Latin American flowers with those grown in the United States. The best he could come up with was this (PDF) much-discussed report from Europe, which concluded that Kenyan roses destined for British retailers emitted 5.8 times less CO2 than those grown in Dutch greenhouses. That's because the indoor Dutch operations require much more electricity and natural gas than Kenya's sun-kissed fields.

It's exactly the sort of contrarian conclusion that typically delights the Lantern to no end. But it's also pretty shaky: If you read the three-page report closely, you'll see that it's based on back-of-the-envelope calculations and estimations, rather than How To Send Your Girlfriend Flowers… without destroying the Earth. first-hand research. It also compares just a single Kenyan operation against a single Dutch one; since the report was funded by entities with a vested interest in seeing the Kenyan flowers win out, you have to wonder whether the data were cherry-picked.

In the absence of truly scientific studies regarding flower-related carbon emissions, the Lantern advises you to use common sense: Look for a VeriFlora sticker affixed to the wrapper or box, and be prepared to have your wallet lightened a bit more than you're accustomed to. A dozen guilt-free roses start at around $50, which may be double the cost of those cellophane-wrapped beauties at the corner store—particularly if the cheapies came in from China, a nascent floral powerhouse.

Ouch, huh? Well, look at it this way—if you're going to make yourself pay $50 or more every time you get in a lovers' quarrel, that's a pretty good incentive to keep things cool between you and your lady. ( slate.com )

Indonesia Negeri Para Bajingan

2010-03-31T12:04:00.001+07:00

Indonesia Negeri Para Bajingan. Hidup di Indonesia ini sepertinya sudah tidak ada lagi keberkahannya. Hidup penuh dengan kedustaan, kebohongan, kepalsuan, menipu, dan segela bentuk kejahatan dan perilaku yang menyimpang. Sogok dan suap sudah menjadi ‘aqidah’.

Tak ada lagi para penegak hukum yang tak pernah ‘menelan’ sogok dan suap. Sepertinya tidak ada setitikpun harapan yang dapat diharapkan bagi masa depan Indonesia. Seakan semua manusia bergerak ke arah perbuatan yang nista itu.

Belum usai kasus Bank Century, yang diputuskan DPR, dan sampai sekarang belum ada tindak lanjutnya, dan mungkin dibiarkan, tanpa ada langkah-langkah konkrit, khususnya terhadap para penanggung jawab yang telah menggelontorkan dana bailout kepada Bank Century Rp 6,7 triliun, sekarang semua orang membicarakan sosok Gayus Tambunan, yang hanya golongan III A dari pegawai Dirjen Pajak, menjadi seorang milyarder, yang kekayaannya sangat fantastis, dan yang diungkap dari hasil korupsi/sogokan mencapai Rp 25 miliar. (berita Republika,30/3/2009, jumlahnya Rp 28 miliar)

Lalu, ada yang membuat rekaan analisis, bila pegawai pajak jumlahnya 32.000, seandainya yang bermental seperti Gayus Tambunan 10 persen saja, maka 3200 dikalikan Rp 25 milyar, hasilnya sudah Rp 80 triliun. Bagaimana seandainya yang bermental seperti Gayus Tambunan itu, misalnya 90 persen, maka 28.000 dikalikan Rp 25 miliar, maka hasilnya mencapai 720 triliun. Sungguh luar biasa.

Inilah kisah negeri yang dihuni para penjahat, koruptor, tukang tipu, tukang sogok dan suap, para maling uang negara, dan semuanya tak ada yang merasa malu sedikitpun, di raut wajah mereka. Para koruptor dan maling uang negara, dan tukang sogok, ketika di pengadilan tak sedikitpun ada rasa penyesalan mereka, dan wajah mereka tetap ceria, dan menebar senyum ke mana-mana, dan wajah mereka tegas-tegas menatap kamera saat bertemu dengan para wartawan.

Negeri ini benar-benar aneh. Negeri yang para birokrat dan pejabat serta penguasanya sangat aneh dan ajaib. Mereka mempunyai prinsip, watak orang Indonesia itu, suka ‘pelupa’. Jadi, kalau mereka korup, maling uang negara, menerima sogok dan suap, lantas kasusnya dibawa ke pengadilan, prinsipnya pasti rakyat akan lupa, tak akan ingat lagi peristiwa yang pernah terjadi sebelumnya. Maka mereka mempunyai hobi 'menilep' uang negara, dan menerima sogok dan suap.

Lihat saja kasus pemilihan deputi senior Gubernur Bank Indonesia (BI), Miranda Gultom, yang sangat menyesakkan dada, ada anggota dewan dari PDIP, Golkar, PPP, dan Fraksi TNI/Polri, yang menerima uang 'balas budi' nilainya bermilyar-milyar, dan dijelaskan dengan gamblang dan terang benderang. Tapi, sampai sekarang yang ditekuk di pengadilan Tipikor (Tindak Pidana Korupsi) hanya yang menerima travel cheque, tapi yang menyogok, masih dapat tertawa-tawa di rumahnya.

Sesudah mantan Kabareskrim Polri, Susno Duadji, membuat ‘nyanyian’ tentang Gayus Tambunan tentang raibnya uang Rp 25 miliar yang raib, seakan-akan petir disiang bolong, dan semuanya menjadi ‘kiamat’, tapi itu hanya sebentar saja. Karena mereka yang sudah mendarah daging dengan kejahatan, pasti mereka tak akan pernah jera dengan berita dan siaran di media, siang dan malam. Bahkan tak segan-segan mereka berani membela diri.

Buktinya tak akan ada pengadilan yang menjatuhkan hukuman berat bagi mereka yang telah melakukan kejahatan, yang berkaitan dengan korupsi, sogok, suap, dan maling uang negara. Kasus yang paling spektakuler dalam sejarah bangsa ini, yaitu kasus BLBI yang menghabiskan Rp 650 triliun, dan tidak ada yang dihukum berat, dan hanya beberapa gelintir orang. Disusul kasus bail out Bank Century Rp 6,7 triliun, sepertinya kasus ini akan berlalu bersamaan dengan waktu.

Para pejabat dan penagung jawab dibidang penegakkan hukum, hanya sibuk membuat pernyataan di media eletronik dan media cetak. Tidak ada tindakan yang konkrit dan nyata terhadap mereka. Para penjahat itu, tak ada yang jera, karena mereka sudah tahu hukumannya, dan hukumannya itu dapat diatur, seperti yang dilakukan Gayus Tambunan yang di vonis bebas oleh pengadilan. Untuk apa takut berbuat kejahatan, dan melakukan korupsi serta maling uang negara, faktanya tak akan ada hukuman yang berarti.

Denny Indrayana yang menjadi sekretaris Satgas Pemberantasan Makelar Kasus, hanya setiap malam ada di TV, dan menjadi seakan ‘bintang film’, dalam sebuah film yang bernama Gayus Tambunan. Betapa absurdnya kehidupan para pejabat di negeri ini, buktinya, Gayus Tambunan, sebelumnya sudah bertemu dengan orang-orang Satgas Pemberantas Makelar Kasus, seperti Deny Indrayana dan lainnya, tapi mengapa masih dapat pergi meninggalkan Indonesia, dan tidak ditangkap serta di tahan? Sesudah pergi dari Indonesia baru keluar dari Polri, tindakan pencekalan. Inilah yang menjadi sebuah bukti ketidak seriuasan para pejabat penegak hukum di Indonesia dalam menangani kasus korupsi.

Dari kasus Gayus Tambunan ini terungkap seluruh aparat penegak hukum terlibat, polisi, jaksa, , aparat pajak, dan aparat penegak hukum lainnya, secara sistemik terlibat dalam terlibat dalam kasus ini. Ini hanyalah salah satu kasus telah merembet ke semua institusi penegak hukum, dan lembaga lainnya.

Denny Indrayana selaku sekretaris Satgas Mafkelar Kasus, mengusulkan agar dilakukan pembuktian terbalik. Tapi, ada yang memberikan komentar, ketika berlangsung diskusi di TV swasta di Jakarta, presenternya mengomentari gagasan Denny, kalau itu dilakukan adanya pembuktian terbalik terkait dengan kekayaan pajabat, maka Indonesia akan bubar. Tidak ada penjabat yang dapat kalis, dari kasus sogok, suap, dan maling uang negara. Salah bukktinya Gayus Tambunan yang hanya golongan III A, faktanya dapat menjadi milyader. Bagaimana pejabat yang lebih tinggi?

Menkeu Sri Mulyani, sering mendapatkan pujian setinggi langit, bahwa berhasil melakukan reformasi birokrasi Depkeu, tapi dengan Gayus Tambunan, sebenarnya reformasi apa yang dikatakan berhasil oleh Menteri keuangan itu? Kenyataannya menjadi 'abal', walaupun gajinya para pegawai pajak sudah dinaikkan, tak menutup tindakan korup mereka.

Gayus Tambunan hanyalah golongan III A dari pegawai Dirjen Pajak, lalu pejabat-pejabat lainnya bagaimana? Bagaimanan kalau dilakukan pembuktian terbalik atas segala kekayaan yang mereka miliki itu? Dari mana sumbernya? Apakah mereka yang menjabat sebagai birokrat dan penjabat dapat mempertanggungjawabkan harta kekayaan mereka?

Salah seorang mantan Dirjen Pajak, yang sekarang menjadi pejabat di BPK, memiliki kekayaan yang bermilyar-milyar, dan berdasarkan pengakuannya, sebagian kekayaan yang dimilikinya berasal dari hibah. Pantaslah kalau Indonesia tidak pernah naik peringkatnya sebagai negara paling korup di muka bumi ini. Wallahu’alam. ( eramuslim.com )

There are as many names for kissing as there are ways to do it

2010-03-23T18:49:00.003+07:00

There are as many names for kissing as there are ways to do it. Why We Kiss: The Science of Sex. Pecking, smooching, Frenching, and playing tonsil-hockey—there are as many names for kissing as there are ways to do it.

Whether we use it as an informal greeting or an intensely romantic gesture, kissing is one of those ingrained human behaviors that seems to defy explanation. Its many purposes—a blow and peck for good luck on dice, lips to ground after a rocky boat ride, kisses in the air to an acquaintance, and the long slow smooches of Hollywood—have different meanings yet are similar in nature. So why is it that we love to pucker up?

A Kiss Isn’t Just a Kiss

Philematologists, the scientists who study kissing, aren’t exactly sure why humans started locking lips in the first place. The most likely theory is that it stems from primate mothers passing along chewed food to their toothless babies. The lip-to-lip contact may have been passed on through evolution, not only as a necessary means of survival, but also as a general way to promote social bonding and as an expression of love.

But something’s obviously happened to kissing since the time of the chewed-food pass. Now, it’s believed that kissing helps transfer critical information, rather than just meat bits. The kissing we associate with romantic courtship may help us to choose a good mate, send chemical signals, and foster long-term relationships. All of this is important in evolution’s ultimate goal—successful procreation.

Kissing allows us to get close enough to a mate to assess essential characteristics about them, none of which we’re consciously processing. Part of this information exchange is most likely facilitated by pheromones, chemical signals that are passed between animals to help send messages. We know that animals use pheromones to alert their peers of things like mating, food sources, and danger, and researchers hypothesize that pheromones can play a role in human behavior as well. Although the vomeronasal organs, which are responsible for pheromone detection and brain function in animals, are thought to be vestigial and inactive in humans, research indicates we do communicate with chemicals.

The first study to indicate that chemical signals play a role in attraction was conducted by Claud Wedekind over a decade ago. Women sniffed the worn t-shirts of men and indicated which shirts smelled best to them. By comparing the DNA of the women and the men, researchers found that women didn’t just chose their favorite scent randomly. They preferred the scent of man whose major histocompatibility complex (MHC)—a series of genes involved in our immune system—was different from their own. Having a different MHC means less immune overlap and a better chance of healthy, robust offspring. Kissing may be a subtle way for women to assess the immune compatibility of a mate, before she invests too much time and energy in him. Perhaps a bad first kiss means more than first date jitters—it could also mean a real lack of chemistry.

Men Sloppy, Women Choosy

Behavioral research supports this biological reasoning. In 2007, researchers at University of Albany studied 1,041 college student and found significant differences in how males and females perceived kissing. Although common in courtship, females put more importance on kissing, and most would never have sex without kissing first. Men, on the other hand, would have sex without kissing beforehand; they would also have sex with someone who wasn’t a good kisser. Since females across species are often the choosier ones when it comes to mate selection, these differences in kissing behavior make sense.

Men are also more likely to initiate French kissing and researchers hypothesize that this is because saliva contains testosterone, which can increase libido. Researchers also think that men might be able to pick up on a woman’s level of estrogen, which is a predictor of fertility.

Crazy for Canoodling

But kissing isn’t all mating practicality; it also feels good. That’s because kissing unleashes a host of feel-good chemicals, helping to reduce stress and increase social bonding. Researcher Wendy Hill and colleagues at Lafayette College looked at how oxytocin, which is involved in pair bonding and attachment, and cortisol, a stress hormone, changed after people kissed. Using a small sample of college couples that were in long-term relationships, they found cortisol levels decreased after kissing. The longer the couples had been in a relationship, the farther their levels dropped. Cortisol levels also decreased for the control group—couples that just held hands—indicating that social attachment in general can decrease stress levels, not just kissing.

Looking at oxytocin levels, the researchers found that they increased only in the males, whereas the researchers thought it would increase in both sexes. They hypothesized that it could be that women need more than a kiss to stimulate attachment and bonding, or that the sterile environment of the research lab wasn’t conducive to creating a feeling of attachment.

Kissing, therefore, plays a role not only in mate selection, but also in bonding. At an Association for the Advancement of Science meeting on the science of kissing, Helen Fischer, an evolutionary biologist, posits multiple reasons for lip locking. She believes that kissing is involved in the three main types of attraction humans have: sex drive, which is ruled by testosterone; romantic love, which is ruled by dopamine and other feel-good hormones; and attachment, which involves bonding chemicals like oxytocin. Kissing, she postulates, evolved to help on all three fronts. Saliva, swapped during romantic kisses, has testosterone in it; feel-good chemicals are distributed when we kiss that help fuel romance; and kissing also helps unleash chemicals that promote bonding, which provides for long term attachment, necessary for raising offspring.

Sniff, Snuggle, and Turn Right

Yet, not all cultures or mammals kiss. Some mammals have close contact with each others’ faces via licking, grooming, and sniffing, which may transmit the necessary information. And although chimps may pass food from mother to child, the notoriously promiscuous bonobos are apparently the only primates that truly kiss. And while it’s thought that 90 percent of the human population kisses, there’s still the 10 percent that doesn’t. So it seems that as much as we use kissing to gather genetic and compatibility information, our penchant for kissing also has to do with our cultural beliefs surrounding it.

Whether we live in a place where kissing is reserved for close acquaintances, or somewhere where a casual greeting means a one, two, or three cheeker, one thing does remain highly consistent: the side to which people turn while kissing. It’s almost always to the right. A 2003 study published in Nature found that twice as many adults turn their heads to the right rather than the left when kissing. This behavioral asymmetry is thought to stem from the same preference for head turning during the final weeks of gestation and during infancy.

One of the best things about kissing, however, is that we don’t have to think about any of this. Just close eyes, pucker up, and let nature takes its course. ( divinecaroline.com )

Ten Signs He's Smitten Is he into you? If he's done any of the following, there's no question

2010-03-05T23:15:00.002+07:00

Ten Signs He's Smitten Is he into you? If he's done any of the following, there's no question. Love. The definition is much debated, and the reality varies, depending upon where you are in your relationship. For example, love when you're walking down the aisle to exchange your "I Do's" is pretty different from the love you share when you're celebrating your hard-won, 50-year anniversary.

The thing is, many of us aren't even close to the proposal phase, let alone wedding or golden anniversary. What we want to know is: Does he like me? Does he really like me? Here's how to tell he's smitten.

1. He talks you up to all his friends.

If you're meeting his friends for the first time and they already know your entire life history -- not to mention your favorite movie, ice cream flavor, and guilty pleasure song -- chances are he's hooked on you, and has probably been suffering major harassment at the hands of his buddies in the name of love. (Yeah, he's totally whipped.)

2. He enjoys doing the most mundane activities with you. Laundry.

Running errands. Napping. Shoe shopping. Congratulations, you're the most boring couple ever. (Kidding!) But when he acts like the most routine, everyday activities are confetti-filled barrels of fun -- because you're doing them together -- there's definitely something there.

3. He'd rather talk to you than watch the latest episode of "24"... at least for now.

If he shuts down his BlackBerry, Xbox, or most recently scheduled World of Warcraft raid so that he can give you his undivided attention, don't doubt his devotion. Most women would kill to command that sort of attention at later points in their relationships.

4. He's not afraid to say, "I love you." In fact, he willingly says it in front of both friends and family, and doesn't balk at PDAs either.

5. He misses you. Always.

He texts and/or emails regularly to say that he was "thinking about you" or "just wanted to say hi." Even a "hey, what's up?" speaks to the depths of the pain he feels when you're not around. And if he can't let a day go by without a phone chat? You're gonna have a tough time getting rid of this one.

6. He takes it for granted that you have a future together.

He says "we" instead of "I" and talks about your future together as if it's a given. "When you meet my sister you'll see what I mean" or "My birthday was boring this year. We'll have to do something fun next year." He may not have mentioned marriage, but he's definitely thinking long-term.

7. He goes the extra mile.

He surprises you with candy buttons because he knows they're your fave. He puts gas in your car or unloads the dishwasher, completely unsolicited. They're not grand gestures, but he's making an obvious attempt to do something special for you. Men and women speak different languages when it comes to romance, but when he does something nice for you without being asked, he's trying. And that speaks volumes.

8. He can't get over how beautiful you are.

If you keep catching him sneaking peeks at you from across the room, he's totally a goner.

9. He picks you over the boys.

His friends are hitting up the local nightclub? Well... he'd rather spend the night in with you and your latest Netflix picks. They're going to see his favorite basketball team? Well... hmm... lemme think about... what!? Of course I'd rather spend time with you, honey. Yes, he's smitten.

10. He's willing to be a total mush.

As evidenced by the mixed CD he made for your "month-aversary," complete with cutesy album title and hand-drawn cover art, and accompanied by a carefully chosen card containing five long paragraphs on why he's grateful you're a part of his life. ( yahoo.com )

Would You Take Relationship Advice from Madonna?

2010-03-03T17:29:00.001+07:00

Twice-divorced star joins new TV show The Marriage Ref. Would You Take Relationship Advice from Madonna?. With two failed marriages under her belt, Madonna is probably not the most qualified person to hand out marital advice. That didn't stop her giving her tuppence worth as she aired her views about one couple's relationship troubles on a new reality US TV show called The Marriage Ref.

And she clashed with Curb Your Enthusiasm star Larry David as they had different opinions on one married couple's trivial argument. Although the domestic spat was not clear from the trailer shown in the US on Sunday night, it seemed to be enough to get Madonna, Larry and the third celebrity panelist Ricky Gervais hot under the collar.

Argumentative: Madonna gets opinionated as she offers advice to sparring couples on the US reality show The Marriage Ref

At one point, Madonna, who was married to actor Sean Penn from 1985 to 1989 and divorced director Guy Ritchie in 2008 after eight years of marriage, puts her head in her hands and says: 'This is a recipe for disaster.'

She and Gervais, who isn't married but has been with producer and screenwriter Jane Fallon for 25 years, take the same side and argue with the 'Ref', who is there to take on the opinions of the celebrity panel and make a decision for the couple.

But Madonna soon got the hump when she realised that the Ref - US comedian Tom Papa - has the power to ignore the panel's votes on whether the husband or wife wins the row.

As Papa sides with David, she shouted: 'It’s two against two!'

Gervais backed her up and said: 'What are we here for? It was two to one! Why does he get the final vote?'

Papa says: 'You’re the advisers but I make the ruling.'

At the end of the show, Gervais said: ' 'This is the dream team for therapy. This is the weirdest show I have ever been on.'

David added: 'This is easily the most uncomfortable hour I've ever spent in my life', to which Madonna retorted: 'Why? because you're sitting next to a women who's standing up to you?'

The Marriage Ref has it's official premiere on Thursday night but American audiences were given a half-hour sneak preview on NBC on Sunday after the closing ceremony of the Winter Olympics.

The show revolves around real life couples who are embroiled in an on-going fight. The celebrity panel is show a video clip of both sides of the argument.

The celebrity panel, consisting of recently married, recently divorced, or those with long histories of relationship success or failure, then discuss the merits of each side of the argument and vote on who they think is right.

Other celebrities will guest star as panelists on the show in upcoming episodes, including actresses Eva Longoria and Tina Fey and actors Alec Baldwin and Matthew Broderick.

They will try and settle domestic disputes including a couple arguing over whether the husband can park his motorcycle in the living room or another rowing over whether to stuff the family pet after it dies.

The show was the brainchild of actor and stand-up comedian Jerry Seinfeld who got the idea from his wife Jessica after they rowed in front of a friend who they asked to act as a referee on the dispute. But its future could be in doubt after it received negative reviews after the half hour special with many critics labeling it as a flop.

Time magazine's TV critic said it was 'the most God-awful mishmash of a comedy-variety show', while The Baltimore Sun said: 'Who knew Seinfeld could be this unfunny?'

Alan Sepinwall from the New Jersey paper the Star-Ledger said it was an an 'ugly, unfunny, patronising mess', while media website Gawker wondered whether, in TV historical terms, 'Jerry Seinfeld''s new show almost cancels out Seinfeld'. ( kompas.com )

A Recipe For Romance

2010-02-24T21:19:00.002+07:00

Relationship - A Recipe For Romance. So, tonight's the night. You want to have a Romantic evening with your Lady. What's this, hesitation? O.K. your nervous, what if you can't pull this off? Well, let me help! I'll walk you through a complete Romantic Day fit for a Queen.

Your sweetie will feel so loved, she will be amazed with all the effort you put into this one day just for her. Now, as explained in my book "the Ultimate Online Dating Handbook" you'll need to start planning this a few days in advance.

On the day you choose as the Romantic day start with this: Once your Love leaves for work send her an email that will be there when she opens the morning emails. Keep it fairly short. Say something like, "I miss you already, so I am making today your Romantic Day! All my Love (you)." Now you've made your sweetie very curious as to what it is you have up your sleeve.

Next, have flowers delivered to her work place. Roses work best, but if too expensive use carnations instead. A red and white rose mix says, unity, true love, innocence. Or red and white carnations show admiration and pure love. Have some baby's breath thrown in to show happiness.

Have these delivered just after lunch so the entire office will see just how sweet her fella is. Include a note saying "Just an other part of your Romantic Day!" Trust me this will really make her day. And, once again you've peaked her interest. While your speaking with your florist order some rose petals. They're usually very inexpensive, and they'll be ready when you wish to pick them up.

Once the later part of the afternoon rolls around you will have to begin setting up for dinner. In advance of this day get together some Romantic accessories. You will need candle holders, and candles. Place mats, a table cloth, even some silk flowers in a vase you can add to the table. You'll also need wine or champagne. Find yourself a tape/cd of Romantic Music. An oldie but goodie would be a Barry White album.

For dinner itself, you may be surprised to learn that it really doesn't have to be exotic. What ever you are good at cooking is just find. A lot of times it is the small jesters and atmosphere that makes the difference. So, if pasta is your thing, that's cool. Just dress it up a bit. Make a nice chefs salad as an appetizer.

Find a local bakery and pick up some fresh buns or biscuits. While you're there pick up something for dessert. And, since most women loooove chocolate I'd go with some sort of chocolate layer cake. Well...really...anything chocolate would be great!

Now that you have dinner under control and you are chilling the wine/champagne it's time for you to get you ready. You need to shower, brush your teeth, splash on some great cologne, and find something really sexy to wear. Here is where you're going to have a bit of fun with your sweetie.

Find a sexy pair of underwear and put just a housecoat over them. Now, write your sweetie a note, say something like "Sweetie, I had such a busy day I was tired and had to lie down, please come to the bedroom when you get home." Leave the note where she'll find it as soon as she comes in. Now, remember those rose petals? Sprinkle them on the floor leading to your bedroom, also put some on the bed. You should be lying there in your most sexy pose when she opens the door. ( isnare )

Well, I think you can take it from here. Have fun!

10 Things You Should Never Say To A Guy

2010-02-24T21:07:00.002+07:00

Relationship - 10 Things You Should Never Say To A Guy. Ladies, if you want to have a successful dating life, certain phrases should never come out of your glossy lips. Here they are:

1. WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN?

You’ll see him when you see him. If he wants to see you again, he’ll call. If not, next. You don’t have time for anyone that doesn’t have time for you.

2. WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL?

There’s only one answer to this question: Because he didn’t want to!!! What you’re really asking is, “Why didn’t you want to call me?” Who knows!! There could be a lot of reasons, but you shouldn’t be sitting around wondering why. You should be out dating lots of different guys and not worrying about ONE guy. Don’t be so quick to put all your eggs into one basket, because if they break, it’s a big mess!

3. WHERE WERE YOU?

If he wanted you to know where he was, he’d tell you. What you’re really asking is, “Where you with another female that you like better than me?” Your insecurity is showing, my dear. If anything, he should be wondering where you were.

4. I LOVE YOU (FIRST)

You’re saying it in the hopes that he’ll say it back, but what if he doesn’t? You’ll be devastated and probably feel foolish. Saying “I love you” is not going to speed things up if he’s not ready to say it back. So just cool it, and let him be the first to say it when he’s ready.

5. DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER?

As long as he’s not sleeping with her now, who cares? The past is gone. Don’t torture yourself (and him) with these thoughts. In this case, ignorance really is bliss.

6. I’M PREGNANT

In 2005, with all the birth control choices available, there is no excuse for becoming pregnant, unless you want to be. You should be using something and he should use a condom, every time.

7. WHERE IS THIS GOING?

Nowhere fast if that’s your attitude. Guys want someone fun and easy to be with, not someone that’s constantly worrying about the future. His actions or non-actions will tell you where it’s going. If it’s going somewhere, you’ll know it. If it’s not, you’ll know it too.

8. WE NEED TO TALK

This is the equivalent of, “Go to the principal’s office”. Guys know it’s not going to be a fun conversation, so they’re already on the defense. If you need to discuss something, just casually bring it up when the both of you are relaxed. Don’t try to talk to him when he’s tired, stressed or trying to watch tv!

9. I HATE YOU!

Even if you do, it’s totally uncalled for and un-lady like. If there’s an issue, be mature enough to discuss it when you’re calm. If he’s breaking up with you, reacting with anger may make you feel better temporarily, but it’s best to remain calm and act unfazed. He’ll wonder why you’re so cool about it and that may make him re-think his decision. Always be pleasant during a break up. Do you want to be known as the girl that goes psycho if someone breaks up with her?? I didn’t think so.

10. I DON’T TRUST YOU

What you’re actually saying is, “You need to step up your game, because I can see you’re up to something.” If he is up to something, he’ll just become even sneakier. Better to think smart and act dumb-it’ll be easier to get the evidence you need to confirm your suspicions. ( isnere )

How To Use Eye Contact To Make A Good Impression

2010-02-24T21:03:00.001+07:00

Relationship - How To Use Eye Contact To Make A Good Impression. Have you ever wondered why some people seem to make new friends so easily, while others find it so hard to form successful relationships with new people?

Researchers who study relationships have discovered that a big difference between those people who make new friends easily, and those who don't, is that socially successful people tend to make eye contact with their conversation partners much more frequently than those who are less successful socially.

Many shy people never make eye contact at all. When speaking with others, people who have a hard time making new friends are more likely to look down at the ground, or look away. They rarely will look at the face of the person they are talking with.

If you have been less successful in making friends than you wish, you may be able to become much more socially successful by making this one simple change to your behavior.

Most North Americans, especially Caucasians, prefer to have a lot of eye contact when they are talking with someone. When a person doesn't make eye contact with them, North Americans tend to assume that person is hiding something. The very phrase "shifty-eyed" connotes a person whose eyes dart around the room, implying that they are untrustworthy.

When you are having a conversation with someone and you want to leave a friendly impression, be sure to keep looking at that person frequently while you are talking. You don't need to use a piercing stare, a friendly gaze will do.

If it really bothers you to look directly into another person’s eyes, you can look at the person’s face without focusing solely on the eyes. If you gaze generally at the eyebrow area or the bridge of the nose, this is close enough to the eye region that you will appear to be looking at the person’s eyes. You may find that it eases your own discomfort if you let your vision go slightly out of focus.

Whenever you are in conversation with someone, keep the majority of your focus on the other person. If you glance around the room too much, or look too frequently at other people, your conversation partner may assume that you are bored, or that you are looking around for someone else you would rather talk with.

If you have difficulty knowing exactly how to make eye contact, you can benefit from practicing in front of a mirror, or practice with another person.

Don't stare at other people too intensely however! A very intense, unblinking stare can make your conversation partners feel very uncomfortable.

You can lighten the impression you are making by smiling more often, nodding, and by gazing at the entire face as well as the eyes. In addition, you can frequently glance away for brief periods.

When people get the sense that you are really paying attention to them, and that you enjoy talking with them, they will be much more likely to want to have conversations with you! ( isnere )

Your Intuition And Romance - Using All Six Senses To Be More Romantic

2010-02-24T20:55:00.002+07:00

Relationship - Your Intuition And Romance - Using All Six Senses To Be More Romantic. “Knowing what your partner wants and needs is your sixth sense or intuition at work.” - Heidi Richards

Call it intuition. Call it ESP. We all have it and can use it to create a lasting romantic relationship. When our sixth sense is in full gear, it’s like one of those timeless moments between two people when nothing else in the world matters and no one else exists. I’m not talking sex, here. I am talking when two people connect on a level beyond the physical. Let me explain.

I was married for 16 years to a good man; he was a good father and a good provider. In fact, we seldom had any conflict in our lives. For some women that might be enough. And yet something was missing from our relationship. He just didn’t “get” me. Even after 16+ years of marriage, he didn’t really know what I liked or what made me tick. It was inevitable that we would not stay together forever.

Then I met a man whom I have been with for nearly 14 years. It was like he knew instinctively what I liked without me even telling him. Rarely does a day goes by when one of us doesn’t call each other and talk about something the other was actually thinking or go to the store and buy dinner (just what the other was craving without verbalizing that craving).

We tease one another about how keen our sixth sense is at certain times. I find it very romantic. I call it a connection to something more and greater than the physical senses are able to distinguish.

And how about the other five senses? How do we know just which senses we should focus on? If they work to create the kind of romance your partner appreciates, then I believe you have what it takes to increase the power of your sixth sense, far beyond touch, taste, sight, smell and sound. Here are some tips for using all six senses to be more romantic

Sight

Look into my Eyes (#11) – When you gaze into each others eyes, everyone else seems to disappear. And looking intensely at one another can send a message to your partner that can lead to better things.

Sound

Listen … (#37) – Do you want to know a secret? Being a good listener is an art. Some people are natural good listeners, others need practice. When you truly listen to one another it demonstrates that you care about what they are saying. It’s most important communication skill in a successful long-term relationship. If you really want to know your partner’s likes and dislikes, wants and desires, perfect the art of listening.

Taste

Hungry for love (#120) – Visit a local fruit or vegetable grove together and pick your own. Take your goodies home and cook up something wonderful, then feed it to each other. MMMMMM… Good!

Smell

The scent of you (#46) – Spray your perfume or cologne on the phone most often used by your partner. Or all the phones in the house. This will surely kick the romance meter up a few notches. It’s especially effective if you are going out of town.

Touch

Touch me in the morning (#115) – … in the afternoon, in the evening. Give your partner a massage. Buy some fragrant massage oils and watch the tension turn to pleasure. Take turns.

Intuition

A Hard Day’s Night (#30) – After a hard day’s work, surprise your partner by having a steaming hot bath ready and waiting. Light the bathroom with candles and yummy scents. After bathing and drying your partner off, show him/ her to your candle lit boudoir, where the bed is ready and waiting with satin sheets and rose petals and soft music is playing.

This is where you will proceed to rub his/her body down with scented body massage oil. After working up an appetite, have a romantic dinner ready, waiting to be served.

Developing and using all six senses in romance can create a connection that goes deeper – to our souls. Knowing what your partner wants and needs is your sixth sense or intuition at work. When you develop your sixth sense in romance you will instinctively know which of the other five to use when and in which combination to use them. ( isnere )

Feng Shui And Romance - Using The Ancient Art To Enhance Your Romantic Space

2010-02-24T20:51:00.002+07:00

Relationship - Feng Shui And Romance - Using The Ancient Art To Enhance Your Romantic Space. “If your love life needs a quick boost, you can use the art of placement to produce the romantic results you desire.” Heidi Richards

Feng Shui (pronounced fung shway) is the ancient Asian practice of object arrangement and space planning designed to bring balance, harmony and well-being to your environment. Its purpose is to enhance prosperity, creative, health and romance.

Feng Shui fortifies a home with positive energy known as chi. The attainment of positive chi is both an art and a blessing to those who manifest that chi. The word “feng” means wind and “shui” means water, each one associated with a good harvest and ultimate good health or good fortune.

If your love life needs a quick boost, you can use the art of placement to produce the romantic results you desire. Relationships need the proper environment to grow. They need the balance of the five elements, too much or too little will find the romance wither. Here are some Feng Shui tips to enhance your romantic space:

1. The first thing you must do is remove clutter out of your romance area (generally this is the bedroom). That means you must remove trash, dirty ashtrays, dead plants and nothing should be stored under the bed. Dust and cobwebs on the fans, walls, light fixtures and ceilings should be cleaned away.

2. Enhance your space with romance colors, such as shades of pinks, reds and whites. Guys, this does not mean it has to be feminine. You can use maroon, grayish tones of pinks and whites to achieve the same results. The key is to not use any one color so much that it overpowers the others. Other good colors include browns, beiges, lavenders, yellows and deeper shades of those are appropriate.

3. If you keep flowers in the room (an excellent way to attract romance into your life), make sure they are always fresh. At the first sign of wilting, toss them out. Silk flowers are an okay alternative, provided they are free of dust. Absolutely no dried flowers as they signify death. Also, make sure the roses are de-thorned. Nothing prickly such as cactus, unless your goal is to break-up.

4. In Feng Shui a Relationship Alter positively stimulates a relationship. Designate a special place in your romance area in which to put items that will encourage a healthy, loving relationship. Things to include in your relationship altar can include a heart shaped pink crystal quartz, a pair of candles, mandarin ducks.

5. Use the Pairs Principle to encourage love. That means two candles, two nightstands, two lights on top, two potted plants, two pillows, two chairs, etc. The Chinese symbol for love is Mandarin ducks. They signify love, romance, fidelity, affection, and loyalty in love.

6. Your bed should be placed in the commanding position of the room. This is to permit the widest possible vision. The door or entry to the room should be easily seen from the bed. And the head of the bed should be against a wall or against a corner. If you have nightstands, make sure one is on either side (a pair) and that the bed is accessible on three sides to attract and keep a partner. The bed should not be placed under a window.

7. The bedroom is for sleep and intimacy. No one should come into your room without your invitation. There should be no distractions such as workout equipment, a television, things that would remind you of work.

8. It is good to hang pink (heart-shaped) crystals and wind chimes in a sunny window to attract good love energy (yang).

9. Pictures of you as a child, your children or other relatives should also be removed from the bedroom or romance area. This space should be reserved for couples and should only display pictures of the two of you.

10. Dim lights will give the room a warm, inviting feeling. No harsh fluorescents or high wattage lighting, here.
While this is by no means the ultimate guide to Feng Shui for Romance, it is a good start. These ten tips will give your relationship area the boost it deserves and your romance the fulfillment it requires. Altar your space and you will altar your love life. ( isnere )

Now You’re Engaged, How Do You Choose A Mens Wedding Ring?

2010-02-24T20:48:00.003+07:00

Relationship - Now You’re Engaged, How Do You Choose A Mens Wedding Ring?. So, you’ve just got engaged.

Whether you are a man or a woman you have an important decision to make (amongst the myriad of other decisions) about mens wedding rings. It’s this. Will the man in your relationship wear one?

Maybe that’s you, maybe not. But you both need to think about it.

You see it’s only since the second world war that modern men have started to publicly display their marital status by the wearing of a man wedding ring.

Prior to that it was rare for a man to wear a ring when he married. Men were able to hide their marital status behind the tradition that required a woman to wear a wedding ring, but not a man.

However during the war many US soldiers chose to wear mens wedding rings as a public symbol of their marital status whilst away at war and that has started a tradition for the modern man. Now it’s very common for a man to wear a mens wedding ring, perhaps the norm.

So, what decisions need to be made? Well the first is this. Will he wear one? That’s probably the hardest decision in the process.

For a woman there’s no decision. She’s engaged, she wants the ring. For her she needs an engagement ring as well as a wedding ring, and an expensive engagement ring at that. But for a man it’s not so straight forward.

So a very important part of the process is for both of you to talk about it. Do you both have strong feelings about the man wearing a man wedding ring, either one way or the other? Does the woman feel that if she is to publicly display her marital status then it’s only fair that he do the same? Does he have any reservations about wearing a ring and if so what are they? You both need to talk over your feelings about the wearing of a man wedding ring. Establish the groundwork.

Once and if you have made a decision that he will wear a ring then that’s just the start. It’s perfectly possible to buy a his and hers matching wedding ring set. These are rings designed as matching sets for you both so that both your wedding rings go well together. So are you going to look for matching rings, or just buy him a ring and focus on hers separately?

Next you have to decide what type of ring. There’s a whole world of designs for mens wedding rings out there. An enormous range of styles and materials. A man makes a statement about himself in selecting the ring he will wear for his wife, and she is a part of that statement if she is actively involved in the decision.

Think about his personality. Is he outgoing or shy? Is he outrageous or conservative? Is he flamboyant? Understated? When he buys clothes what does he select? Does he buy colourful flamboyant ties or ties which fit in with the style of the suit? Would he wear clothes which make him stand out from the crowd or does he prefer to meld in?

His men’s wedding ring needs to fit his personality. All these characteristics, as well as many others, bear on your choice of ring. A man with a strong flamboyant personality would be much more likely to prefer a ring which stands out. Which sets him apart from the crowd, which says “look at me”. On the other hand a man with a more conservative type of personality would probably prefer to say “I’m married but I’m not going to shout it from the rooftop” with his ring.

Similarly, think about his stature. Is he short or tall? Is he large or small? Does he have long slender fingers or short stubby fingers? These characteristics also bear on the style of ring selected.

So size up the man before making a decision on the style of ring for him.

One of the most common form of mens wedding ring is the simple band style. Often in gold or white gold, it is plain and unadorned. A simple statement of marital status and nothing else. But even amongst simple bands there are decisions to make. How wide? What colour? What type of material? New materials such as Titanium or Platinum have broadened the choices hugely. Mens black Titanium rings really catch the eye.

Or amongst the more traditional materials sterling silver men’s wedding rings look stunning. Or brushed mens white gold wedding rings. The range of choices now is enormous.

And it’s not necessary to decide on a single material. Mens two toned gold wedding rings, utilising white and yellow gold, are popular. Perhaps match the ring material with gemstones such as rubies or sapphires or even diamonds to create a stunning effect.

It’s perfectly possible to get custom made rings or even design them yourself. The internet offers a big range of choices and also offers rings and other jewelry dramatically cheaper than your traditional bricks and mortar stores. Several online jewellers offer a design your own mens wedding ring service so that you can design a ring that’s unique to you.

And if you want something really different why not consider celtic mens wedding bands?

The range of choices is endless, enough to satisfy even the most discriminating couple.

And remember that for a man this ring may be the only jewelry he will ever wear. The choice of man ring that you both make is a big one.

So, now you’re engaged, spend a little time thinking about what you are going to do about a men’s wedding ring. Start talking about it with your partner. The more time you spend on it the happier you will be with your final choice. ( isnere )

You Never Know With Women

2010-02-24T20:43:00.001+07:00

Relationship - You Never Know With Women. Who are you? What is your moral standing on relationships especially when you are entangled with difficult situations? Do you compromise just to find an easy way out? Tough questions.

It is easy for a writer to postulate high morals as if s/he is above board. Not so with me. I had a bitter experience years ago which I want to share with you. It made me reconsider my way of using cars. This is my story.

Do you drive a comfortable air conditioned car? And do you easily lift pretty girls who stand on the roadsides? You better watch out because you may end up in a dramatic tangle you never bargained for since you never know with women.

I left the second church service at Christ Chapel, Ijora, Lagos, that Sunday afternoon feeling good. The Praise and Worship session really ushered us into God s presence. The songs were melodious and soul searching. And the message of the Pastor was clear - be your brothers/sisters keeper, and always help others whenever you can. I left the service that day with the peace and joy of God in my heart. Having made Jesus Christ the Lord of my life, I made up my mind to always apply biblical teachings.

That was my frame of mind that Sunday afternoon when I headed home, at Okota, Lagos. The road was clear and my car air conditioner was on. I raced down Western Avenue into Ikorodu road, turned off right at Anthony Village and connected the Oshodi-Apapa expressway. This is the day the Lord has made and I shall be glad and rejoice in it. So I thought. I never knew what was waiting for me in front of Berliet Motors, after Ilasa bus stop.

As I coasted down the expressway, I saw a shabbily dressed girl, early 20s, standing beside the service and express lanes of the highway. She waved frantically at the car in front of mine but the driver zoomed past her. As I approached her, she waved again.

A lot of thoughts raced through my mind that moment. This could be an emergency. This girl might just be a lucky victim of ritualists who were terrorizing Lagosians then. Or she might just be in serious trouble and needed urgent help. Besides, the Pastor s message was still ringing in my head. I wanted to play the good Samaritan and help the poor girl. How wrong I was, as I was to find out 30 minutes later.

I stepped on the brakes and anchored my Peugeot 504 saloon car by the road curb a few metres from where the haggard looking girl stood. What must be the problem? I thought, as she ran towards my car. "Mile 2," she blurted out. "Oh no, I am turning off at Cele bus stop," I replied. "If you can drop there and continue your journey, you can hop in." She bounced in. I engaged gear and drove into the expressway.

We had only driven a few metres when she fired her first salvo.

Her left hand shifted and began to caress my right thigh. "Can I keep you company?" she asked in her husky voice. I was disappointed though not startled. I took her for a cheap commercial sex worker (prostitute), and under rated her. Again, how wrong I was as I was to find out later.

I sighed and rebuked her. "Why do you do this kind of business? Is that the best you can do with your life?"

She retorted that it was not her fault and blamed her trade on the bad economy. She reeled out other vague reasons. But I was no longer interested. Highly disgusted, I raced towards Cele bus stop, eager to drop her and go home.

A few passengers stood at Cele that afternoon waiting for buses going to Mile 2. My girl urged me to turn into Okota Road before she drops. I obliged. As I did so, part two of my bizarre encounter started. She began to curse me, rained abuses on me and used unimaginable foul language for daring to, according to her, treat her with disrespect.

Then the first surprise. Still cursing and now visibly angry, her left hand shot out and grabbed my shirt collar, squeezing my throat. Sensing trouble, I kept my cool and pleaded with her to
let go. She vehemently refused with vigorous shaking of her head and threw the bombshell, "Settle me!"

"Settle what?" I asked in amazement.

She demanded money, claiming that after making love to her, I must pay her before she can let me go. That was when it dawned on me what my generosity had brought on me.

I was a victim of the settle-me vice, a ploy used by wayward and frustrated loose girls to extort money from supposedly gullible and unsuspecting men. I had heard so many of such stories, and each time I had a good laugh and thought I would never be a victim. And here I was in the clutches of a raw girl, who in normal circumstances, should not be seen with me let alone have anything to do with her.

Then the alarm! What will neighbors, friends, and colleagues say if they see me in this mess? What will they think of me? What will be my wife s reaction? Nobody will believe my story.
These "settle me" girls have perfected their art of money extortion. They surprisingly grab a man, raise alarm in a crowded place while demanding a fee for a supposed good time. Trapped in that set up, the male victim wishes that the earth opens and swallows him.

I tried to reason with my angry girl , but she got worse and banged her clenched fist on my car windscreen threatening hell and brimstone. An idea hit me. Drive to the nearest police station and hand this girl over. As I made to drive, she grabbed the steering.

Going further would land us in accident. She was really ready for a showdown.

I still kept my cool hoping she would listen to my wise counsel.

No way. I tried to trick her to leave, she was too smart for that. Then an uncontrollable anger gripped me driving me to pull her out of the car, beat her up and dump her in the bush. That was a ready option given that nearby Cele bus stop was almost deserted that Sunday afternoon. But a voice in my spirit warned me: No violence! No violence!

In exasperation, I thought, what next? But my girl was not yet finished. In a jiffy, she pulled off her gown and sat beside me in the car stark naked, no panties, no bra. Her left hand was still gripping my collar, her right hand clutching her dirty gown. You needed to see us. We were like a couple acting a movie.

But it was real. I was shocked by her nudity.

Should a girl go to the extent of stripping just to extort money?

I blamed myself. Why on earth did you pick this girl? So many blames. It was then that I remembered God. I prayed to the almighty to bail me out. I spoke in Tongues.

Hearing this, she was startled and mocked me saying, "You can continue saying that thing, I will not let you go."

I continued to blast in Tongues. As I did so, her rage slowly began to ebb. I noticed the impact and continued to speak in Tongues. Gradually, she calmed down but continued to hold my collar and was still naked.

Then a young man walked past, saw us and stopped. What is the problem , he asked. I narrated my story, but the tart interrupted, "Did I force you to stop? Did I force you to stop? You stopped on your own and picked me. I did not force you to stop."

I agreed with her but did not say so. Another passerby intervened. It was difficult getting her to speak. She finally agreed and mumbled an incoherent story. The men pleaded with her to let me go declaring me innocent based on our submissions. And I was determined not to give her any money, for what?

How she wore her dress again, I do not know. As our mediators pleaded with her, she let go my shirt, and still cursing, her eyes darted across the road. I reasoned she was looking for a stone to smash my windscreen since she could not extort any money from me. Please, leave him and go , the men pleaded. Frustrated, she continued to rain abuses on me. All this while, my car engine was running, and my hands on the steering. As her right hand swerved to the door handle to open it, I quickly grabbed the gear knob pretending I was lost in thought. I was still praying that this girl should just leave with her trouble.

Suddenly, she jerked the door open and dashed out leaving the door ajar. Simultaneously,. I engaged gear and sped down Okota Road towards the roundabout. The front door slammed shut. I quickly looked through my rear view mirror with an expression of great relief and saw my erstwhile captor with a piece of rock in her hand glaring at my car as I sped away.

I got to my apartment two hours behind schedule. My wife was out of town and my junior brother who lived with me was not in. So this is it, I thought as I settled down on the settee in my living room. I thanked God for my escape. I was particularly happy that we did not attract a crowd of on lookers who would have jeered at me. I played the drama over in mind like a home video. Again, I thanked God. But I swore never to give ladies rides again.

For two weeks, I could not tell anybody the story, not even my brother. When I summoned courage and told my colleagues in the office, they laughed uncontrollably. I did not blame them. I laughed like that when other victims narrated the stories of their encounter with settle me girls.

So what do you think dear reader? I was naïve. You may be correct. I acted with zeal without knowledge. That s more like it. But I vowed never to be a victim again.

And so men watch how you give ladies rides on the highway. The "settle me" wolves may be on the prowl. You never know with women. Happy motoring. ( isnare )

Your Condensed Guide For Working A Room

2010-02-24T20:32:00.001+07:00

Relationship - Your Condensed Guide For Working A Room. Working a room...if only it could be fun...or at least guaranteed productive. I am referring to that mandatory event that requires us to mix and mingle, to meet and greet.

Command performance events like a cocktail party, a business dinner, or a charity event can feel stiff and uncomfortable. Very few people actually enjoy walking into a room full of strangers.

So why put yourself through that torture? Well for one thing, Nathan Keyfitz, professor of sociology at Harvard observes, "Social skills will be of even greater importance for economic success in the future. The most successful people will be those who can communicate and connect best."

Put another way, it's free advertising, and you control the entire message. Is it sometimes uncomfortable? Absolutely, but the upside is huge. The more you put yourself in networking situations, the easier it becomes and the greater the professional, social, and personal benefits.

Here is a condensed guide for working a room:

Approach every networking opportunity with the attitude that it is going to be fun. While no single event is guaranteed to change your life, any single event could. Remember, success is measured by percentages, not perfection. Who isn't attracted to someone who is smiling, laughing, and enjoying him or herself!

Be Prepared. Be clear about your objectives. Keep focus on your purpose in being there. Don't be easily distracted from the outcome you have in mind.

Next, don't wait for others to approach you. Yes, I know it is a bit uncomfortable for some, perhaps you. So think about how great you feel when someone takes the initiative to walk up to you and introduces themselves. Then you do the same.

Acquire and practice several good conversation openers. The best technique is art of asking intelligent questions that convey the impression there is depth and style to your personality. Show them that they could benefit by getting spending more time with you.

When you make an interesting contact, focus all your attention on that single person. Don't let your eyes wander around the room. Keep eye contact and actively listen. Give that person the sense that you have been waiting all evening just to meet them. In other words, make them feel important.

Learn the art of small talk. Call it chit chat or even foreplay if you like. Its purpose is to put people at east. It starts with finding an area of common interest. This means knowing just the right questions to ask, and at precisely the right moment. Always remember, small talk doesn't teach, preach, or try to impress. It is just light and easy conversation.

Do your homework. If possible review the names of the people attending, their spouses or partners, their affiliations. If you can recall any prior contacts, refer to that to open the conversation. That will appreciate the fact that you remember.

Finally, common sense tells us not arrive late, drink too much, dress too casually, or push your agenda excessively. Don't glue yourself to one person the whole night just because they are fascinating, mingle.

Few things personally or professionally happen by accident. Consider going to your next command performance (that's what it is) totally prepared. Then watch how much fun you can have when you know why you are there, and can tell your story with style and humor, persuasively. ( isnere )

Love vs. Insanity

2010-02-24T20:26:00.001+07:00

Relationship - Love vs. Insanity.

What is Insanity?.

I took the effort of trying to find a dictionary inside my drawer. Unfortunately, there was none. I couldn’t define insanity for you then. Oh no, I can’t, but I can set an example. I know that there is no dictionary inside my drawer but still I expected to find one. That’s an example of insanity in its simplest form.

Love and Insanity

Within the few months of my being hooked-up with a certain text room, one of the many things that I have learned is the parallelism of Love and Insanity. I came to realize that these two words are somewhat synonymous.

This is manifested by the countless stories of experiences documented by different individuals there in that website. Love life with a plot a la telenovela, with a complete casting from supporting actors to the usual protagonists and antagonists - peers, parents or classmates to name a few. What do I see? I see insanity in a broad daylight. Love life recycled from one generation to the next.

Insanity inherited by yet another group of people in the same environment at a different time. I find it insane considering that our way of life has indeed made a giant leap into what we call the future and yet the same old pains, troubles or problems haunt people’s love life.

Define Love. Love is this. Love is that. Love is here. Love is there. There isn’t a single definition for love. Worst is, one definition conflicts with the other. No, conflict is an understatement, contradict would have been better. In binary, a “1” is never a “0” and vice versa.

Treating one as the other is insanity. Love bringing either happiness or sorrow, or sometimes both, is insanity. Does insanity define love? Or, is insanity love, in a negative form?

Let us get back to my previous example. That is an analogy illustrating insanity. Now, let’s take love. We know that our love will get to nowhere but we take the risk of gambling with love. The result is we get hurt. And that is insanity. Foreseeing darkness ahead but still taking the courage to step into the dark.

The result is disaster. In real life, it’s like you know that he’s married but what the hell! And that is love. Or, you can feel she cares for somebody but still you convince yourself that she loves you, because you love her. And again, that is love.

And what about this latest crap? When you love someone you gave that someone the opportunity to hurt you. Isn’t that insanity to the max or just plain masochism?

Do I speak justly then when I say that those who love are insane? Would you still love?

I assume that our answer to both questions is a unanimous “Yes!” with a capital Y and an exclamation point choreographed with a clenched fist and an authoritative facial expression to stress our certainty, unaware that we are already despising the word “logic”. And again, that clearly manifests insanity.

We are used to saying the phrase “falling in love” to mean “being in love”. Isn’t it “to fall” connotes a negative meaning? Isn’t it insanity then that we allow ourselves to “fall” in love? But wait, others say, “high with love”, to mean addicted with love.

Just the same, and addiction is even worse. To let our selves get “high” with love is again an act of insanity. To fall is to go down contradicting the word high. With these two contradicting results associated with love, setting love in front of a well-polished mirror, love vividly reflects insanity.

But despite this shocking analogy, I would still say, “If to love is to be insane, please, take all my sanity away.” It is with pride that I’ll shout to the world, “Call me insane because I am in love!” ( isnare )

Don't Be Afraid To Let Other People See Who You Really Are!

2010-02-24T20:22:00.001+07:00

Relationship - Don't Be Afraid To Let Other People See Who You Really Are!. Do you know anybody that you consider to be particularly engaging and lively? Take a moment to picture that person in your mind.

What is it about that person that you find most attractive? He or she may have a charming voice and a great laugh, but it is also very likely that you find their face very expressive. That person is probably quick to smile and laugh and seems to always have a twinkle in their eye.

A face that never shows any emotion, and never smiles is not very appealing. No matter how attractive or how plain a person’s facial features may be, a great smile can make that person look beautiful to others.

When you smile at other people, they will assume that you are in a good mood and that you are happy to see them. This will make other people more likely to want to spend time with you and to know you better.

Allowing our face to show emotions is actually an advantage in developing relationships. Other people are constantly trying to read and respond to our body language and facial expressions, often on a subconscious level. They are trying to sense whether we really care about them or not, whether we are concerned with what is going on in their lives.

If you are a person who is very emotionally sensitive, this sensitivity can be an asset in forming relationships. Use your sensitivity to show empathy for other people. Don’t suppress your emotions, trying to be “cool”.

Don’t waste your sensitive nature being sensitive only to yourself and your own emotions. Imagine being in the shoes of the person you are talking with, and let yourself feel the sadness, happiness, excitement or pride that is present in the story they are telling you.

If we repress all our emotions from showing on our face, people will feel frustrated trying to get a sense of who we really are. When we let our emotions show up on our face, sharing in our conversation partner’s joys and sorrows, worries and frustrations, as well as their hope and excitement, both of us feel less alone. Both people will feel more connected to each other.

Sometimes we worry about our facial expressions. We may sense that our smile looks forced, or makes us look nervous. We may worry that we don’t smile enough, or that we frown too much.

One way you can check on your facial expressions is to have yourself videotaped in conversation with another person. When you review the tape, does your smile looks forced, or natural? Do you look extremely serious? Are you able to portray a feeling of fun and light-heartedness?

If you are not able to analyze the tape effectively by yourself, have someone else you trust give you some feedback.

If you think your facial expressiveness could be improved, you can practice in front of a mirror. Watch your face as you imagine yourself feeling various positive and negative emotions. Imagine yourself hearing a very funny joke. Or winning the lottery. Or receiving a nice compliment. Meeting your neighbor. Getting a present. Having a secret.

Also imagine yourself experiencing negative situations and watch your facial expressions in the mirror. Exaggerate them. Switch back to imagining positive emotions. Are you normally this expressive? Do you let other people see the real you? Or do you try to hide yourself from everyone? Do you like the person you see in the mirror?

Your smiles and other facial expressions will be more natural and more appealing when you are relaxed, rather than tense. If you get nervous when you are talking with others, you may find it helpful to practice body relaxation techniques until you can easily relax at will.

Consciously tell all the muscles in your body to relax, even if you have to give instructions mentally to each part of your body, one section at a time. When you are with other people, let your mental focus be on enjoying the situation you are in, rather than imagining what others are thinking about you, or worrying what you will say next.

Let you emotions come from deep within you, and spread to your face, rather than trying to artificially manufacture facial expressions. ( isnere )

How Not To Compromise With Your Partner

2010-02-24T20:19:00.001+07:00

Relationship - How Not To Compromise With Your Partner. Do you ever disagree with your spouse? Or your boyfriend or girlfriend? Of course not – she/he/it is perfect, right?

You can imagine my shock when my friend confided in me that he and his wife often fought over tiny things.

"You're kidding."

"Yes, we fight over the tiniest, most unimportant things," he confirmed.

"Well, why don't you just let her have her way then?"

"Because we also fight over big, important things," he admitted.

"What about compromise?"

"We do that all the time," he responded.

"So what's the problem?"

"The problem is that she wins most of the compromises."

Compromises are never easy. A reasonable compromise is when both parties feel they won. A truly great compromise is when both parties know they lost.

The problem is that even the most modest of us, when thrust into the perils of compromise, have inflatable egos.

For instance, my wife and I were recently waging compromise, and I don't even recall what diplomatic gaffe I had committed. But she was determined to set me straight. "Don't be so premature," my wife scolded.

"Premature?"

"Amateur, then," she said.

"Amateur?

"No, the other word. Stop acting like a such child!" she shouted, looking for a dictionary.

God gave us dictionaries so we wouldn't have to spell. They are big books with small print, and trying to find anything in them shortens fuses and, in the heat of compromise, can only lead to dictionary projectile injuries. Fortunately, our house is messy enough to conceal even the largest dictionary.

Which is why, when compromise is imminent, I occasionally find myself dripping wet.

Water never hurt anyone, I tell myself. Then I remember Noah. And Jack. And Jill. But so far, I have avoided drowning in my own sorrow, which probably means I am losing fewer compromises than my brother.

Our house lives in an era of an uneasy truce. Fortunately, nobody is bent on world domination.

If I would just learn to put the toilet seat down or wipe the counter after myself, I could strike a diplomatic coup. However, if I did, I would have to fork out for an embassy reception, and my wife is the only caterer in the house. Plus it would force her into a most uncomfortable corner of having to put the other toilet seat down and close the lights when she leaves the room to avoid a diplomatic faux pas.

Being a loving husband, I am determined to protect my wife from any discomfort in her own house (or having to cater a diplomatic reception), so I resist the temptation to score such a diplomatic coup and I continue to leave counter tops wet.

It is sometimes for the greater good to allow a friendly exchange of sniper fire, taking cover if it looks like it might get out of hand. The world is a much more peaceful place when we just accept that we can all happily get along, and that we are in no real danger living perpetually on the brink of compromise. ( isnere )

Keep Her in Love with You

2010-02-24T20:14:00.001+07:00

Relationship - Keep Her in Love with You. It’s the saddest thing to listen to a man who has lost his heart’s darling. The hardest part is when they don’t know why, and I hear this more often than you would imagine.

The plaintive, “But I loved her,” is followed by, “I have no idea why she left.”

It’s bad enough to lose your love, without being stupefied on top of it all. Generally there are two explanations for this, both of which you can work on.

The first is denial, like the gentleman who told me he’d lost his wife and didn’t know why but when pressed said it “might” have been because he had an affair, but “it shouldn’t have mattered” because “she knew it didn’t mean anything.” The answer to this one is to quit fooling yourself. No one can pull the wool over your eyes except you.

Rationalizing something you do that you know has about as much chance of hitting a home run as swinging at bad pitches, and then blaming the other person because you struck out is the victim stance. Get out of it and get responsible for what you do.

The second is from general cluelessness. If you often can’t figure out what’s going on around you, you may be in this category and it, too, has a remedy.

Staying in either place will insure you’ll love again and lose her again. Or worse, because you’re confused, you’ll be afraid to love again and will choose women who are inappropriate and unavailable and then complain that it never works out. You’ll stay safe, which is nice, but you’ll be miserable, which isn’t nice.

If you’d like to minimize that possibility, here are some tips.

DEVELOP YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

EQ is emotional fluency. It’s the opposite of cluelessness. It begins with being aware of your own feelings, and extends to include understanding the feelings of others – the world of feelings.

The worse this possibility sounds to you, the more you probably need it.

Many men start thinking about what’s in their heart because making it a mental thing feels better, but the end result is that you’ll end up confused. Women don’t like to be with a man who’s confused about them. They want it straight and true.

In order to relate to the woman you love, and to keep the relationship alive, you have to know about this “confusion.” If not, it will die, and you can claim you don’t know why, but is that what you want? Learn to know why.

DATE HER

The second solution is to date her.

“I did,” you’re saying, confused.

I mean date her continually. Continue to date her.

Most men are so good at dating, it must be innate. The trouble is, it’s aimed toward the initial conquest, or getting her in bed, and then they think it can be abandoned.

“Whew, glad that’s over,” you think. “Now I can get back to the ball game.”

Wrong! I think there’s an explanation that you’re a super-dater when the hormones are raging. If you interpret this as “feelings,” and they die down over time, which they always do, you may not “feel” like dating her any more, though you now live with her, or are married to her. The key is to not quit doing it.

Now let’s define dating. What is it you do so well when you’re dating? You pay attention to her. You call, you email, you send cards and flowers. You hang on her every word. You look deep into her eyes. You express your emotions verbally (“I love you.” “You’re beautiful.”). You hang around, in fact you can’t be away from her.

You remember what she tells you, and you remember her birthday. You’re trustworthy and you’re there for her, listening endlessly and effortlessly as she talks about her emotions, her day, her dreams and plans, or your relationship. In fact it doesn’t matter what she talks about, you listen and you listen as if you care, because you do. It a means to an end that you want so you’re highly motivated.

If it worked so well, why don’t you continue doing it?

KEEPING IS HARDER THAN GETTING

If you want to not just get her, but keep her, you have to generate this sort of behavior not constantly, but enough. It means acting and showing your love, not just thinking about it, or worse, assuming it’s no longer necessary.

Don't be one of those guys who say, "Of course I love you. I married you didn't I?" unless you want to hear one sad day, "Of course I don't love you any more. That's why I'm leaving."

How do you do this when you don’t feel like it? The same way you do your job. It matters to you in the long-run, so you do it well even on a day when you don’t feel like it. It’s “taking care of business,” and you know how to do that.

So apply this same logic to keeping the woman you love and generate the behavior you know will win you what you want.

As someone said, “You don’t love a woman because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her.” The relationship between the two of you needs your care and attention too. You can make it beautiful and lasting as well. It’s never too late to start learning how to do that. ( isnere )

Good luck!

Getting The Most From A Romantic Relationship

2010-02-24T20:09:00.002+07:00

Relationship - Getting The Most From A Romantic Relationship. You can make your relationship better. A few basic guidelines will make your relationship more enjoyable and more beneficial for both of you.

A romantic relationship has important benefits: companionship, being inspired by someone else's example, and stimulation by the other person's ideas. Keep in mind that those benefits are there and that they are important.

Don't use a relationship as a way to solve your problems. Dating and marriage are not ways to overcome unhappiness, escape from boredom, and improve self-image. You must do those things for yourself. Using a relationship for those reasons puts burdens on the relationship that make it less pleasant and less rewarding.

Your gotta be tolerant. A relationship is a place for honesty and openness. Those principles allow a couple to share ideas and to gradually change in ways that let them more enjoy living. Your attitude should signal the other person that you will try to patiently work through each other's shortcomings. If that's too much strain, decide that separation is best and graciouly part company without bitterness.

Romance and love will more likely happen if you allow them to happen instead of making them a goal. Making the relationship better should be the goal. Pay attention to treating each other fairly and helping each other. If love happens, it will be based on believing that both of you can continue to build a good relationship.

Don't expect a perfect relationship. That happens only in fairy tales. If you expect too much, it makes your relationship less valuable by comparison. Problems will occur. You will get hurt. Don't be so concerned with minor problems that you loose awareness of what is good in the relationship. When appropriate, offer advice not the threat of disapproval. You want to develop a spirit of mutual benefit.

Respect each other's attitude about physical affection. Be patient. Your partner is not a mind reader and may not be aware of the problem. If something about the physical part of the relationship is a big issue for you, let your concerns be known. Being aware of a problem is the first step in solving a problem. Anxiety about a problem can be lessened just by knowing that the other person is aware of the problem.

Take time for mutual interests. This can be in many forms including hobbies, conversation, recreation, an interest in art, and family activities. Mutual interests keep a couple from gradually becoming uninvolved in each other's lives.

Encourage your partner to act and make decisions. Both of you will be able to accomplish more with the other's support and encouragement. When there is a disagreement, don't automatically think it is necessary to correct the other person. Your encouragement will produce more good results than will your objections. ( isnare )